Many companies are selling More and more products around the world. Do you think this development is advantageous or disadvantageous?
Sample Response
In recent years, it is observed that the sale of consumable goods has increased drastically; however, I do not find it beneficial, which is explained in this essayin the below composition.
It cannot be denied that people’s incomes around the world have risen to new levelsearnings across the globe have achieved new levels due to which people, especially in developed countries, think less carefully before making purchasesdo not think much before buying. This situation seems positive in one respectlooks bright from one side, but one of its most serious drawbacksone of the darkest sides of it is the increased amount of waste. On the one hand, earlier, people were very conscious while using devices such as radios, televisions, and bikesdevices, such as radio, television, bike. FurthermoreFurther to this, they used to take them for repairtake it for repairing if they encountered minor issuesif some minor issues are encountered. On the other hand, these days, people do not even bother to have them checked by a technicianget it checked with a technician and buy a new one because of greater purchasing powerincreased leverages and busy lifestyleslifestyle. Consequently, governments are struggling to manage waste, especially non-biodegradable materialsrubbish, especially those which are non-biodegradables. In India, for example, the lawmakers had to open a new department called The Waste Management Department in the previous year because the current establishment was failing disastrously. Thus, people are able to use new gadgets and goods, but it can be called a development because it is harming natural resources.
Another point is very critical. PeopleInhabitants have developed feelings of jealousy among themin between them because of their tendency to buytendency of buying unnecessaryunrequired goods. Because of these negative emotions and their disturbed mental stateOut of such bad emotions and disturbed mental state, they purchase goods by taking out large loansbuy liabilities by taking huge loans. As a result, they end up filing for bankruptcyfiling themselves bankrupt. In this way, they not only lose their respect in society but sometimes they encounter life-threatening diseases because of piled up anxiety and stress. This is also supported by Yale University’s recent survey on “Shopping Trends”. Hence, if people are suffering just because of buying unnecessary products, then it cannot be considered as development.
To conclude, although some corporates might feel proud by checking their sales reports, in my view, such development is preposterous as it is harming natural resources as well as the mental state of the entire society.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a consistent negative position and develops two clearly separated consequences of rising consumption, with relevant explanation and examples. Its main weakness is imprecise language: unnatural collocations and occasional faulty wording make otherwise logical claims sound awkward or even contradictory. The highest-priority improvement is to express the environmental and financial arguments in simpler, more idiomatic language while checking that every concluding sentence states the intended meaning accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is answered directly through two relevant, extended disadvantages, although some claims and examples are overgeneralised or insufficiently substantiated.
Strengthen each argument with a more measured causal explanation and a specific, credible example tied closely to worldwide product sales.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and logical topic progression support the argument, though cohesive phrases are sometimes mechanical and one local contradiction disrupts the flow.
Use referencing and logical transitions more naturally, and proofread each paragraph's final sentence for consistency with its main point.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring inaccurate or unnatural choices such as increased leverages, unrequired goods, and filing themselves bankrupt reduce precision.
Replace ambitious but unsuitable expressions with established collocations such as disposable income, unnecessary goods, and declare bankruptcy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex sentences, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, pronouns, plurals, and clause construction remain noticeable despite generally clear meaning.
Edit complex sentences clause by clause, checking noun number, pronoun reference, articles, and verb forms before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many companies are selling More and more products around the world. Do you think this development is advantageous or disadvantageous?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.