Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Men are stereotypically considered to be more competitive than women. In my opinion, though this is ostensibly true, in fact, competitiveness just finds a different expressionfinds different expression in females.
The traditional argument in favor of this claim is that men are genetically predisposedpredisposed genetically to aggressive traits. Men have elevated levels of the hormone testosterone. This is supposedly an evolved adaptation as males in human prehistoryhuman pre-history had to battle one another for dominance and required sufficient strengtha surplus of strength to hunt and provide for the whole family. In the modern world, this translates into heightened aggressiontranslates to a heightened aggressiveness often reflected in the prevalencenumber of ambitious men, driven to excel in their chosen field. Numerous studies and tests have confirmed the apparent validitysurface-level validity of this argument.
However, this ignores the fact that women simply have different outlets for their competitive qualities. In the past, societal prejudices often discouraged women from expressing an interest in competitive sports and ambitious career paths. It is now more common for females to embrace their competitive drive and strive for goals similar to those of mengoals similar to men. However, this is merely a new expression of innate desiresa redirection of innate desires that were already present. Instead of competing in traditionally competitive fields, women in past generations focused their energies ontowards more domestic pursuitsmatters. These might not have been as seemingly competitive but women nonetheless had to compete against each other to gain the highest possible position in society available to them at the time.
In conclusion, despite the evolutionary evidence to support the natural competitiveness of males, I feel that the sexes are generally equal in this area though women express this desire more subtly. Such narrow stereotyping of both genders is often overly simplistic.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay offers a clear, nuanced position and develops a coherent comparison of how competitiveness may be expressed differently by men and women. Its main limitation is reliance on broad evolutionary and historical generalisations rather than sharply qualified evidence. The most useful refinement would be to make those claims more precise while reducing minor repetition and occasional awkward phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed consideration of apparent and underlying differences.
Qualify the broad historical and biological claims with more precise reasoning or concrete support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly from the conventional view to the counterargument and a consistent conclusion.
Make the internal progression of the second body paragraph slightly tighter by consolidating overlapping points.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with only minor repetition and a few slightly strained combinations.
Reduce repetition of competitive and refine occasional phrases such as surplus of strength.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are handled accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and non-impeding.
Polish the few densely qualified sentences so their punctuation and contrasts read even more cleanly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.