Should people be allowed to have cosmetic surgery before the age of 18?
Sample Response
With the application of science and technology in medicine, people, especially youngsters, are becoming more aware of cosmetic surgery. According to a recent survey, nearly half of teenagers from 11 to 18 years old said they wanted surgery in pursuit of a "designer" look like that of their idolsa "designer" like their idols and celebrities. However, having cosmetic surgery before turning eighteen is still illegal in most countries. There are pros and cons to thispros and cons in doing this. There are two main reasons why youngsters want to undergo cosmetic surgeryyoungsters want to go through cosmetic surgery. Firstly, the surgery will theoretically make them more beautiful. Usually, a teen wishes to use the surgery to correct poorly proportioned parts of their bodies, includingparts of their including a misshapenmis-shapen nose, protruding ears, overly large breasts, asymmetrical breasts, or severe acne and scarring. After their physical characteristics have been corrected, they should look prettier and more attractive. Secondly, having cosmetic surgery is a way to gain self-esteem. Because their physical problems have been solved, they no longer feel self-conscious about their appearancefeel awkward about their appearances. Therefore, they frequently become more self-confidentgain more confidence in themselves. For example, Caitlin Clemons, an American teenager whoan American teenager, who used to have low self-esteem because of her appearance, was reportedbecause of her, was reported to gain confidence after her breast augmentation surgery. On the other hand, having cosmetic surgery before 18 also has some drawbacks. Firstly, it increases the risk of experiencing side effects from such surgeryrisk of being affected by side effects from these surgeries. Because teenagers' bodies have not yet matured to their final shape, going under the knife for plastic surgery could pose serious riskscould cause some dangers. For instance, when undergoing cosmetic surgerywhen going under cosmetic surgery, there is a chance that you could have a reaction to the anaesthesiaa reaction against anesthesia used during the operationused in the operations, which can be deadly. Furthermore, cosmetic surgery is likely to leave patients with scarsmake patients get scars, which cannot be corrected. Secondly, allowing teenagers to go through plastic surgery may make them value physical appearance over inner qualitiesoverestimate physical appearances over inner characteristics. Gradually, they may not value their inner qualitiestreasure their personalities but try as hard as possible to enhance their looks. In, having cosmetic surgery before turning eighteen has both advantages and disadvantages. It could help you become more beautiful, but at the same time, leave you disfiguredmake you become a surgery disaster, if the surgery is unsuccessfulif the surgery does not succeed. As a teenager, trying to enhance our appearance is understandabletrying to enhance our is necessary, but we should also try to develop our characterimprove our personality.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a relevant, logically sequenced account of potential benefits and risks, supported by several concrete examples. Its central weakness is that it never clearly decides whether people under eighteen should be allowed cosmetic surgery, while frequent missing words and awkward constructions sometimes interrupt meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to state an unambiguous position and use it to control the selection and conclusion of the arguments.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant advantages and disadvantages are developed, but the response does not give a clear answer to whether surgery should be permitted.
State a definite position in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion after weighing the risks and benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from benefits to drawbacks is understandable, but the single-block presentation and mechanical signposting weaken organisation.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and use topic sentences to show how each section supports the stated position.
Lexical Resource
The response uses sufficient topic vocabulary, but inaccurate word choices and incomplete phrases repeatedly reduce precision.
Choose precise, natural expressions for appearance, medical risks, and personal qualities, and proofread for omitted nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an attempt to use varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in sentence completion, pronouns, articles, and prepositions affect clarity.
Prioritise complete clause structures and consistent pronoun reference before adding further grammatical complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should people be allowed to have cosmetic surgery before the age of 18?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.