an increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In the contemporary era, many people are willing to undergodo plastic surgery to improve their appearanceto betterment their looks. There are many reasons for this development, such as increasing complexity in modern lifeincreasing complexity in nature, competition in the workplace and many more. From my perspective, I consider thisI presume it is a positive development.
To begin with, in ancient times, people did not have such facilitiesthis kind of facility to groom themselves according to their wishes. By contrastOn the other hand, in today’s world, there are many advancesa lot of advancements in the field of cosmetic surgerycosmetology department to change one’s personal appearance. To cite a contemporary examplereal-time example, especially in the film industry, most actresses normally undergo cosmetic surgery to improve their appearanceimprovise their outlook to compete with co-workers. One of the renowned debut actresses in the Tamil industry was recently named Miss. Athulya Ravi dramatically transformed her facial parts, such as her nose, cheeks and teeth. Besides that, changing their appearancechanging personalities will boost their confidencesurge their confidence level to the next step.
Moreover, these procedurestypes of improvisation will help in various waysaspects. One such useful thing is hair transplantation, which helpshair transplantation which supports people who are losing their hair at a youngyounger age. Besides this, alternatively, aid people suffering from lots of criticism because of their appearance, such as facial look, body structure, skin colour and so on. In general, humans commonly face the challenge of unwanted hair growth on the face, hands, and legsa major challenge in hair growth in the face, hands, and legs. Due to this, they cannot get involved with other people without reluctance. Indeed, to addressavoid this, there is a method in cosmetology called waxing and sugaring, where individuals can remove unwanted hairget rid of hair growth.
To conclude, it is evident that increasing cosmetology surgery supports people in overcoming their challenges and helps to groom themselves. Hence, the development is positive.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear positive position and uses a range of examples to explain why appearance-related procedures attract people. Its main limitation is that several reasons are loosely developed or drift from cosmetic surgery into general grooming, while frequent awkward phrasing and sentence-structure errors weaken precision. Prioritise developing two directly relevant causes and positive effects in clear cause-and-effect chains, then edit each sentence for complete grammar and natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a clear positive view, but several supporting points are only partly developed or tangential.
Develop a small number of direct reasons for the rise in cosmetic surgery and connect each one clearly to the claimed positive outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the response broad progression, although some linking expressions are mechanical or logically unclear.
Use simpler transitions and organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea followed by a clear explanation and example.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss appearance and confidence, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward expressions such as improvised appearance language with standard collocations for undergoing surgery, changing appearance, and gaining confidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but recurring fragments, faulty clause construction, and agreement errors weaken control.
Check that every sentence has a clear subject and finite verb, then simplify long clauses that cannot be controlled accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
an increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.