People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
People who cause their own illnessesillness due to the consumption of fast food and poor diets should have to pay more for health care.
On the one hand, fast food makes life easier. Junk food can be prepared easily, and the cost is very low. Most restaurantsMost of the hotels provide this kind of foodthese kinds of food as the demand is also high for fast food. Even children are interested in these food items. They can be made at home in emergency cases as it requires only less time for cooking. It replaces most of the fruits and vegetables which are available from our own garden. Thus the minerals and vitamins that should be obtainedwhich were supposed to be available from natural food are also lost.
On the other hand, fast food contains various chemicalsit contains various chemicals like Mono Sodium Glutamate (MSG), which is a banned substance due to the adverse effects on human healthafter-effects that occur on human health because of its consumption. It is also a flavouring substance as it makes the user repeat the usage of fast food. These chemicals can even lead to death. Poor diets and lack of exercise also havecause a negative impact on health. Due to the negligence in the field of exercise, diseases like obesity are affected and reduce productivity.
In my opinion, the continual consumption of fast foodcontinuous usage of fast food and poor diet can cause severe health issues, that may require hospital treatmentwhich result in in-hospital treatment. For this, a largelot amount is needed to pay the billsshould be required for the bills. Thus the money saved by replacing healthy food with fast foodsaved on healthy food by replacing it with fast food must be spent on hospital care and medicinesspent at hospitals and medicines. And also, their health has already deterioratedhealth is already lost, resulting in a very difficult old agevery disastrous old age. Hence it is advisable to reduce the consumptionusage of fast food and promote the consumption of healthy, natural foodshealthy natural food.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response is organised around the health effects of fast food and communicates its ideas with a generally clear sequence. Its central weakness is task fulfilment: after briefly agreeing with the proposition, it does not explain why self-inflicted illness should lead to higher healthcare charges, and the conclusion recommends healthier eating instead. Refocus every body paragraph on the payment question, using reasons and examples that directly justify the stated position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opening agrees with the proposition, but the body mainly describes fast food and illness without developing the required argument about paying more for healthcare.
Build the essay around whether higher charges are fair or effective, with each paragraph directly supporting that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic sequencing are clear, but the one-hand structure does not establish a meaningful contrast and some links are mechanical.
Give each paragraph a distinct argumentative purpose and use transitions that accurately express the relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss diet and health, but repetition and frequent awkward collocations reduce accuracy and flexibility.
Use precise alternatives for repeated terms and correct unnatural phrases about illness, costs, treatment, and food consumption.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted and meaning is usually clear, though article, agreement, pronoun, and preposition errors occur regularly.
Edit recurring noun-phrase and verb-agreement errors, then check prepositions in expressions about spending and healthcare.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.