Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Certain individuals are of the opinion that the governmental allocation of financial resources should be distributed to other impoverished countries while others suppose that it is of paramount importance to focus on curbing their domestic issues. From my perspective, I am in completeconsummate agreement with the proposal to prioritise domestic problemsproposal of determining national priority on internal problems.
On the one hand, it is understandable that crossborder support is an expression of humanitya symbol of humanity. Geographically, people are divided into different ethnicities, butethnicities but by nature, a shared humanity connects individualshumanity is the core connected feature among individuals. Thus, it goes without saying that supporting other countries through the provision of financial or social assistance is a logical and praiseworthy action. Not to mention that helping other nations to deal with financial crises would eliminate the chances of illegal migration which is detrimental to surrounding developed regions.
However, I opine that addressingconcentrating on addressing domestic issues such as homelessness or unemployment should be a top priority for any countryan utmost urgency of any country. To begin with, government fundingfinancial fund from the government is regarded as a crucial means of funding and maintaininga crucial means to reserve and maintain welfare schemes as well as social security. A well-functioning societyThe smooth flow of how society works would create favourable conditions for job creationa favorable environment for job opportunities which accordingly increaseincreases the economic growth rate. Furthermore, employment opportunitieschances, in turnas a result, generate more personal incomesbudgets which people can use to afford decent housing, thereby reducing the homelessness ratedecent shelters decreasing the homelessness rate.
In conclusion, although transnational support should be providedexecuted as a gesture of humanity, I still believe that any government should make tackling domestic issues the top priorityput the goal of tackling internal issues in a country to be the top priority.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a consistent position and follows a clear progression from the humanitarian case for aid to the reasons for prioritising domestic welfare. The main limitation is that its supporting logic is sometimes asserted or expressed through imprecise collocations, particularly around migration, welfare funding, and employment. Develop the domestic-priority argument with a more concrete causal example while choosing simpler, more natural wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed with a clear, consistent position and relevant reasons on both international aid and domestic priorities.
Extend the central case with a specific example showing why limited public funds would achieve greater impact when spent on disadvantaged citizens.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical and progression is clear, though some linking is formulaic and one supporting sentence is fragmentary.
Use complete sentences and rely more on the logical connection between ideas than on stock transitions such as 'Not to mention'.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and over-elaborate choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer accurate combinations such as 'government funding', 'maintain welfare programmes', and 'create employment opportunities' over forced synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but errors in articles, sentence attachment, agreement, and clause construction recur.
Check each complex sentence for a complete main clause and clear modifier reference, especially when adding relative or participial clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.