Some people say that men are naturally more competitive than women. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Males are believed to be innately more competitive than females. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement and this view will be elaborated in this essay.
To begin with, greater male competitivenessmales being more aggressive than females can be attributed to evolution. Since the dawn of civilization, males have been hunters and women have been gatherers. While men hunted for food and protected their communitiesthe tribes from danger, women took on more domestic tasks and cared for infants and vulnerable peoplethose that were weak. As a result, males became more combativedeveloped to be more combative in order to fight off predators or enemies, and females grew to be more nurturing. Over generationsOvertime, these characteristics became inherited traitsthese became inherited traits for later generations of both sexesboth genders in later generations. For exampleTo exemplify, a study conducted in the United States in 2007 pointed out that women accounted for merely 2.5 percent of the highest paid executives. Possible causes includeWhat caused this includes a lack of female leaders in the most competitive positions, among other reasons.
Moreover, women naturally have less desire for competition than men due to their roles in athe patriarchal society. Throughout the course of human history, patriarchy has been dominantdominating. In former times, women were forced to occupy secondary roles in most areas of lifetake a back seat in most aspects. These days, this practice has declinedthis practice is deprecated, yet taboos againsttowards competitive women still exist. For example, inat the workplace, if a woman is openly ambitious, her actions are likely to be frowned upon. As a result, women are less confidentAs a result, in nature, women are less confident than men in pursuing their goals and often shy away from competition as they are convinced that their achievements are undesirable and that they have a lower chance of succeedingless chance of winning.
To sum up, I strongly believe that males are more competitive than females by nature because of human evolutionthe human’s evolution and the effects of patriarchal society on womenthe effects that patriarchal society has on women.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a consistent opinion and develops two distinct explanations with clear paragraph-level progression and a strong range of topic vocabulary. The main weakness is that some evidence does not convincingly prove innate competitiveness, while several collocations and grammatical forms are imprecise; the priority is to strengthen the logical link between each example and the claim while editing unnatural expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and both main reasons are developed, though the executive statistic only partly supports the claim about innate competitiveness.
Explain precisely how each example demonstrates competitiveness and distinguish biological causes from the effects of social conditioning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, with clear topic progression and generally effective connections within and between paragraphs.
Use less formulaic signposting and make the transition from historical gender roles to modern workplace behaviour more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied range of less common vocabulary, although several choices and collocations are awkward or inaccurate.
Replace expressions such as 'practice is deprecated,' 'taboos towards,' and 'in nature' with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used frequently and meaning remains clear, despite several errors in agreement, possessives, and phrasing.
Proofread sentence subjects and noun forms, especially in 'What caused this includes' and 'the human's evolution.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that men are naturally more competitive than women. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.