It is believed by many people that ‘If people have more money, they are generally happier.’ To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is commonly believed that money brings happiness. However, it is debatablea debatable fact that wealthier persons are happier and happiness is directly related to moneythe money. In my viewAccording to me, money plays a vital roleplays a vital in gaining happiness but a person feels joyful because of several reasons and these reasons may or may not be linkedthey may or may be linked with money.
To begin with, money is important to satisfy the basic needs for survival. Nowadays, we require money everywhere—everywhere- that could be educational institutions, hospitals, supermarkets, et cetera. A rich person can obviously afford to visit various places around the world, which makes one happier. Moreover, today, for spiritual or philosophical guidance one needs money. In a few casesIn few cases, one may obtain joy by helping people in needthe needy people by giving generous donationsa handsome amount of donations. In this way, one might get happiness. Therefore, one may consider that, ‘Money is like a godMoney is the existing God’ in today’s world and one becomes happier when one has money. However, real happiness is priceless and it cannot be attained with money.
Some others may argue that money could be useful to purchase the required things, nevertheless, one cannot buy happiness. For example, the happiness in the eyes of a mother when she gives birth to a baby cannot be bought by money. Next, real happiness is directly linked to satisfaction of the soulthe soul satisfaction. One can get exuberant joy without money for example, by participatingas if by participating in charity work and so on. Hence, it is clear that one cannot relate happiness with money. Money can buy a luxurious house but cannot guarantee joy. Happiness comes from a satisfied soul and sound body while money can ensure the material pleasuresmaterialistic joys.
To summarise, one may consider that money is very crucial in achieving happiness and some peoplesome sort of people may also consider that ‘money makes the mare go’. However, what I believe is that money is certainly an important factor but not a sole factor to achieve happiness. Thus, I strongly disagree that happiness is obtained by money in all casesin all the cases.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response explores both the material benefits of money and important non-financial sources of happiness, using a clear overall structure and several relevant examples. Its main limitation is that the position shifts between a qualified view and a strong disagreement, while some ideas rely on broad assertions and awkward wording. The highest priority is to state one precise degree of agreement and develop each supporting claim more consistently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the relationship between money and happiness with relevant arguments, but its degree of agreement is not consistently framed and some claims remain general.
State a precise position on whether greater wealth generally increases happiness and make every paragraph support that same qualification.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and conclusion, although linking is sometimes mechanical and individual points are loosely connected.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and build clearer logical links between each claim, example, and paragraph conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range for discussing wealth and happiness, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce naturalness.
Replace phrases such as materialistic joys and soul satisfaction with precise, idiomatic language and check article use in common noun phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly overall, despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, word forms, and sentence construction.
Edit each sentence for complete grammatical structure, especially missing nouns, articles, and agreement in complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is believed by many people that ‘If people have more money, they are generally happier.’ To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.