Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Sample Response
I think that the question of whetherthe question whether money is the main indicator of people's success is a controversial one. Some people believe that only someoneone who earns a lot of money is successful. However, other people think that someone whoother people think one who does not earn a lot of money can be successful too. For several reasons, which I will list belowbellow, I agree with those people who think that money is an indicator of success. First of all, if a person earns a lot of money, it meansmoney it means he or she has unique knowledge and experience and people want to pay for themthese. For example, a good lawyer is often paid a very high salary becausesalary, because he or she has won many cases and people are ready to pay a great dealpay big money for their expertisefor his knowledge. A second example is that a surgeon's salarya salary of a surgeon simply depends on theirsimplicity depends on his experience and knowledge and on how many surgeries he has completed successfully. In this case the surgeon's salary simply dependssurgeon's salary simplicity depends on the surgeon's successon surgeon's success. Secondly, a high salary is an indicator of a successful careerprosperous career and profession. People change their jobs, move from one place to another looking for a more interesting and better-paid job. Of coursecause, some people do not care about their salarycare about salary as long as they like their job, but from my everyday experience and observation, I can state that the majority of people who are not satisfied with their incomerevenue would leaveexchange their current job for another one with a higher salary. Finally, money plays, maybe, unfortunately, an essential role in our modern life. So, people who earn a lot of money by working hard are considered to be successful. Maybe it sounds a little mercenary but I think that success must be encouraged financially otherwise it is not a success.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The position is clear throughout, and the examples of lawyers and surgeons give the argument a concrete basis. The discussion is nevertheless repetitive and sometimes circular, since high income is repeatedly treated as proof of success without sufficiently examining the claim's exclusivity or alternative forms of achievement. The strongest improvement would be to develop distinct reasons, address a meaningful counterexample, and organise them into clearly separated paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a relevant position and supplies examples, but its reasons overlap and do not fully test the claim that only high earners are successful.
Develop separate measures of success and directly explain why non-financial achievement does or does not challenge the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear sequence of reasons, but the response is presented as one block and relies heavily on formulaic signposting.
Use distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one non-repetitive reason.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, though several spelling and word-choice errors create awkward phrases and occasional imprecision.
Proofread commonly confused forms and replace inaccurate choices such as revenue in personal-salary contexts with more exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures with generally clear meaning, despite recurring errors in articles, punctuation, and sentence construction.
Review article use around professions and possessives, and punctuate longer clauses so their relationships remain unambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.