Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Many individuals now chooseThese days many individuals are choosing to give tech companies their personal datainformation to gain access to software. Although using this software makes people’s liveslife easier, I believe that the benefits do not outweigh the drawbacks because companies are able to constantly influence consumers’ choices.
The main advantage of sharing your private data with tech companies is that the software they providethey provide you makes users’ lives simplermakes your life simpler. This is because this software offers users personalized help in their daily activitiesmatters so that they can avoid wasting time and energy doing tasks they can complete easily with technologythings that they can easily do with the aid of technology. For example, Google Drive offers you free cloud-based storagea free cloud-based storage where all your documents and pictures are stored automatically and accessibleautomatically saved and you can access them from any device at any time, without worrying about saving them on a removable drive that might be losta pen drive that you might lose. However, I believe that this argument is weaker because people should prioritize their privacy.
One of the disadvantages is that once these corporations have access to your dataonce they have access to your data, tech corporations can use itthem to control your choices at all times. In other words,This is to say that tech companies harvest the data you have agreed to sharethe data you agreed to share with them, and using artificial intelligence and complex algorithmsthrough an in-depth analysis performed by artificial intelligence and through complex algorithms, they create profiles based on your interests and preferencesinterests, likes and dislikes. These profiles are then sold to third-party companies for advertising purposes. For example, Google records all your Googlegoogle searches and all the videos you watch on YouTube and then decides what types of advertisementstype of advertisement you would be more likely to respond tomore susceptible to. This targeted marketing has proven extremely successful. I believe this argument is stronger because people are deceived from these companies to generate revenues.
In conclusion, although providing confidential information to tech firms in order to use software simplifies your life, I believe that being continuously influenced in the decisions you makeinfluenced in your decisions is a major drawback. For these reasons, I think that the negatives far outweigh the positives.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and develops both sides through a controlled, logical argument, with especially effective explanation of data-driven advertising. Its main limitation is that the Google Drive example demonstrates convenience more clearly than the exchange of personal data, and a few awkward collocations reduce precision. Strengthen the causal link in the advantage paragraph and polish word choice and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparison directly, maintains a clear position, and develops both sides, though the advantage example only partly illustrates the data-for-software exchange.
Choose an advantage example that explicitly shows how sharing personal data enables a useful software service and explain that causal link.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively overall.
Make the final evaluative sentence in each body paragraph connect more specifically to the evidence immediately before it.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, particularly for privacy and targeted advertising, despite a few awkward or inaccurate collocations.
Refine combinations such as makes people's lives easier, susceptible to advertising, and deceived by companies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled with strong control, while occasional article, agreement, and preposition errors do not impede meaning.
Check plural agreement, article choice, and prepositions during a final edit to remove the remaining local inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.