Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
Nowadays, a large number of criminals have been sent to jailsent to the jail for the safety of modern societythe modern society. However, crime ratesHowever, the criminal rates have not decreased significantly over the last decade because criminals released from prisonreleased criminal from the prison committed violent crimes againconducted violent crime again. In this regard, some people claim that this trend created so many social problems such as the rise in crime ratesthe rise of criminal rates, the increase of taxation, and many others. As far as I am concerned, I will explore the causes of this issue and put forward some feasible solutions in this essay.
In solving this problem, first of all, it is very important to understand what causes this issuecauses its’ issue. There are several factors regarding this trend. Firstly, in the prison, there are no appropriate educational systems and no organisedorganising training courses, such as computer skills, cooking skills and so on, for the criminals to develop their skillsdevelop their skilled talent for their future career after the prison, which will help them keep abreast with the rapid social development. However, the government lacks the fundingthe government lack a fund essential to establish thesethis training courses for criminalscriminal, which leads criminalswhich lead the criminal to lag behindto be lag behind others after the prison and causescaused them to commit another violent crimedo another violent crime again. Secondly, mostalmost criminals suffer greatly fromare suffering a great deal with poor financial conditions, which lead them to go astray again after the prison. As a result, there should be affirmative actionthere should have an affirmative action in anything for the sake of those criminals' rehabilitationthose criminal’s restoration for their good future.
There are some things that should be done to solve these problems. Firstly, the government and the authorities should offer an opportunity for those criminals to enrich their knowledge and widen horizons through various forms of training courses, such as computer skills, cooking skills and many others, in the prison, which not only guarantees their future careers but also optimises their living standards. Secondly, the government should subsidise those criminals financially until they find a new career, which will support their family and allow those criminals to concentrate on seeking jobsseeking for their job. Moreover, if the government and the whole society join hands in solving these problems, I believe that criminals who are released from prisoncriminals who set free from the prison can easily get accustomed to the changed social circumstance and improve their social interaction with others; as a result, all of these efforts greatly contribute to the decrease of criminal rates caused by former prisoners.
Taking into account this aforementioned opinions, there are several things that could be done to prevent the increase of the criminal rates caused by the former prisoners. Furthermore, individuals also should do the utmost to develop the harmonious society with those previous criminals and give them more opportunities to take part in social activities, such as politics, religions, arts, and many others, which offer them abundant enjoyments in many aspects.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in proposing several relevant rehabilitation measures and explaining how training, financial support, and social inclusion could reduce reoffending. Its main limitation is that it substitutes a causes discussion for a clearly stated evaluation of the reported situation, while frequent language errors weaken precision; the highest-priority improvement is to state and develop a direct opinion before connecting it to focused, well-supported solutions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops relevant causes and solutions at length, but does not clearly formulate or support a direct opinion on the reported prevalence of reoffending.
State a clear evaluation of the research claim and develop why it is credible or significant before presenting solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical causes-to-solutions structure with clear paragraphing, although mechanical sequencing and overlong sentences sometimes blur relationships between ideas.
Use shorter topic-led sentences and clearer referencing so that each cause, consequence, and remedy is connected without excessive clause chaining.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of vocabulary for crime, rehabilitation, employment, and social integration, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Learn and apply natural combinations such as "crime rate," "vocational training," "find employment," and "social reintegration."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, plurals, possessives, verb forms, and clause construction sometimes strain readability.
Focus first on building accurate main clauses, then add subordinate clauses only after checking subject-verb agreement and noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.