Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some argue that athletes are positive role models, inspiring young individuals to pursue their dreams and excel, others contend that their behavior is harmful overallon the whole. In my opinion, despite the negatives, sports professionals are still generally positive role modelsexamples for younger people.
One legitimate criticism of athletes concerns incidentsincidences of aggressive behavior and substance abuse. These high-profile stories can have an outsized influencehave outsized influence on young and impressionable minds. Well-publicized scandals involving certain NFL players, for example, have highlighted the importance of addressing the anti-social behavior exhibited by athletes and its potential impact on fans. A fan who reads articles about athletes arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs or charged with domestic violencecharged for domestic violence assaults may over time become desensitized to the seriousnessdesensitized as to the serious nature of such offenses. In rare instances, they may even consciouslyintentionally or unconsciously emulate these actions.
However, a more compelling argument in favor of professional athletes serving as positive role models relates to their character. Athletes generally possess unwavering dedication and perseverance. For instance, Serena Williams, a tennis legend, showcases her relentless work ethic and determination to overcome barriers publiclyin a public setting, inspiring countless young athletes to push past obstacles and achieve greatness. Moreover, athletes often demonstrate the importance of teamwork, sportsmanship, and fair play. Kobe Bryant, a basketball icon, was renowned for his commitment to team morale and his ability to uplift his teammates in pressure-filled moments. His leadership qualities and dedication to the game have left an indelible mark on aspiring basketball players and ordinary fans alike, encouraging them to embrace the values of collaboration and respect.
After considering both perspectives, I firmly believe that professional athletes do serve as positive role models for young people. Nonetheless, by providing specific examples of inspiring athletes and acknowledging the drawbacksaddressing any drawbacks, readers can maintain a balance between admiration and critical thinkinga balance between admiration and critical thinking can be maintained.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both perspectives directly, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its stronger positive case with specific, relevant examples. Organisation and language are controlled and persuasive, although the negative side is somewhat less fully explored and the final sentence becomes slightly abstract and detached from the writer's own conclusion. The main refinement is to balance the depth of the two sides and end with a sharper synthesis of the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, the opinion is consistent, and the ideas are well supported, though the negative case is less extensively developed.
Give the opposing side one further layer of explanation and make the final sentence explicitly reinforce why the positive influence ultimately outweighs it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Tighten the conclusion so its final sentence synthesises the preceding comparison instead of introducing a more general recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective topic-specific phrasing and only occasional slightly awkward combinations.
Refine isolated phrases such as domestic violence assaults and positive role examples into more natural, economical collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Polish the few cumbersome noun phrases and long clause chains to make otherwise strong sentences even more concise and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.