For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Shopping, by its definition, is an activity through which people visit shops and markets and purchase things and commodities they need. However, this is not always the truth and the terms like ‘hobby shopping’ and ‘shopaholic’ refer the excessive passions and inclination people have towards shopping and purchasing things that they rarely need. In my opinion, a shopping habit that alluresshopping habit that allure people to purchase things which they do not need is a bad habit and has more negative than positive effectshas more negative aspects.
To begin with, we live in a materialistic world and people take pride inon the materialearthly possessions they have. Our moral should be in helping people who are in need, not amassing our own fortune. The excessive shopping habit thus diminishes our humanitydiminishes the true humanity and nurturesnurture a hypocriticalhypocrite mentality among people. It is a well-known fact that if someone starts buying things he does not needpurchasing things that he does not need at all, eventuallysomeday he will not be able to purchase things that he really needs.
Second, shopping is an activity that undoubtedly givesactivity that without any doubt gives a shopper a sense of satisfaction and pleasure. However, if someone starts shopping too much, he is bound to be restricted to this activity only while his time for socialising and outdoor activities would be consumed by the time he will spend for shopping. Purchasing things that we do not need is a habit that makes us greedy and imprudent. If we allow ourselves to continue this habitpractice this, we will surely undermine our moral standards and quality of lifedeviate from other morality and quality of life.
Finally, supporters of shopping for pleasurepleasure shopping supporters are pleased by the factare contented about the fact that they are doing something that makes them happy and they think it is a good way to buy things for future usea good way to purchase for the future because they may need those items later.and who knows when we need what! However, they do not realise that they are spending money and time on something that has no real value. Shopping should be to meet our needsfor fulfilling our necessity, not for our personal pleasure.
In conclusion, shopping as entertainmentshopping as an entertainment is not a positive trend in our personal and social livesgood trend in our personal and social life. We should invest our time and money on more productive activities to make the world even better.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its firm, consistent position and its clear sequence of reasons against shopping as entertainment. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision, while several claims are asserted in moral terms rather than fully demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to support each consequence with concrete reasoning and revise unnatural word combinations and agreement errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is maintained and supported by several relevant consequences, although some arguments are broad or insufficiently evidenced.
Explain the causal link behind each claimed social or personal harm and add a concrete illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and logical overall progression, though some internal links are mechanical and a few sentences become cumbersome.
Strengthen progression within paragraphs by connecting each claim directly to its supporting explanation.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but recurrent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make the expression unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as take pride in, meet necessities, and develop unhealthy attitudes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the message clearly, but agreement, article, preposition, and clause-control errors recur.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and article and preposition accuracy, then simplify overly long sentence structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.