Some Educationalists Say That Every Child Should Be Taught How to Play a Musical Instrument. To What Extent Do You Agree or Disagree?
Sample Response
The paradigm shift has made it mandatory for the children to be updated with the latest technology to get good grades. So, children have very hectic schedulesa very hectic schedule and have little time to relaxthey have no time to entertain themselves. I agree with the statement that teaching children to play musical instrumentsteaching musical instruments is a beneficial approacha good option as they can gain relief from their routinesfeel stress-free from their routine and it helps in developing their aesthetic sensebuilding aesthetic sense in them.
To begincommence with, due to cut-throat competition, children feel suffocated and have become bookworms and are under intense pressure to achieve higher gradeshighly expected to get higher grades in their studies. This pressurething has made them depressed. If they are taught to play any musical instrumentequipment: guitar, violin, or piano, thenpiano; then, they can remain stress-free and feel more jubilant. They will exhibit outstanding performance not only in their academic programs but also in the entertainment industry. To exemplify, introducing musical instruments in their curriculum would help a lot. They can kill two birds with one stone. They are able to reduce their stress and buildas well as can build their career in this field. The epitome of it can be seen on the television that how the little champs are awarded the title of great musicians or singers.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response establishes a clear position and offers a relevant explanation of how music could relieve academic pressure, with some ambitious vocabulary. Its main limitation is that it is substantially under length and develops only one broad line of argument, leaving the case narrow and incomplete. Add a distinct, fully explained second reason, support it with a realistic example, and close with a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is supported by a relevant benefit, but the under-length response develops only one narrow argument and lacks a conclusion.
Add a fully developed second reason with a specific example, then restate the extent of agreement in a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two paragraphs follow a generally understandable progression, though linking is sometimes mechanical and several supporting points are loosely connected.
Organise the response into an introduction, two distinct reason paragraphs, and a conclusion, using linking phrases only where the logic requires them.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably varied vocabulary, but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise, including references to musical equipment and building a career.
Prefer accurate, natural combinations such as musical instruments, develop an aesthetic appreciation, and pursue a musical career.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but recurring article, clause, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Review article use and clause boundaries, especially around semicolons, relative clauses, and constructions such as not only...but also.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some Educationalists Say That Every Child Should Be Taught How to Play a Musical Instrument. To What Extent Do You Agree or Disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.