Some people agree that the best way to become successful in life is to get the university education, while others disagree and reckon that nowadays it is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
DeleteIn most cases, many people argue that the most crucial factor in achieving successfactor of success is obtaining a tertiary educationto receive tertiary education, whereas nowadayswhile recently some regard this argument as indefensible since things have changed. Personally, the key to this debate lies in the definition of “successful”.
Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.（2013.03.09）Some people believe that academic qualifications always bring success, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.（2021.02.25）
Traditionally, success is defined as winning honourable distinctions in the domains related to scientific research or academia, which will further secure a strong reputationsecure high reputation and social status. In this case, academic qualifications are a must. As such honorary titles are rarefew and far between and thus hard to come by, the competition for the few positions available each year is extremely intense given the large number of applicantsthe sea of applicants applying. To have an edge over their counterparts, those applicants are required to produce significant research findingsobtain certain research findings and win the approval of scholarswin approval of scholars in relevant fields. To this end, higher education is the fundamentalmost fundamental but vital way to deepenpolish their knowledge. Even pragmatic professions such as medicine or nursingjobs like doctors or nurses also require a firm theoretical foundationask for a firm theoretical foundation.
However, in the fields outside academiafields irrelevant to academic circles, success does not require a university educationbeing successful is in no need of university education for the reason that theoretical knowledge is no longer athe prerequisite. Sportsmen can serve as a compelling example. For the sake of attaining prizes in both national and international games, swimmers should learn how to speed up their strokes and control their breathingadjust breaths throughunder systematic training with scientific instruction instead of acquiring knowledge of howthe knowledge regarding how muscles and lungs function. It is a commonplace that game winners are not those knowledgeable experts in biological domains. In addition to make achievements in work or study, either sound relationships among others or peaceful lives are also defined as success nowadays, which does not require any educational qualification. Worldwide, there are an enormous number of people leading a steady life with their lovedbeloved ones without getting a diploma.
In conclusion, since people have diverse definitions of the word “successful”, tertiary education is not always essential at present.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a clear, nuanced position and develops relevant contrasts between academic and non-academic forms of success. Its main weakness is the inserted paragraph of copied task prompts, which does not contribute to the argument and sharply disrupts progression; several awkward grammatical and collocational choices also reduce precision. Remove all rubric material, then refine sentence structure and word combinations while preserving the strong central distinction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both positions and maintains a clear definition-based opinion, but the copied prompt paragraph is irrelevant and some claims are overgeneralised.
Remove the copied task wording and support each side with more precisely qualified claims tied directly to success.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two-sided development, and conclusion form a logical framework, although the inserted prompt text creates a severe break in progression.
Keep only functional essay paragraphs and use concise transitions to connect the definition of success to each field-specific argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad academic vocabulary conveys complex ideas, but recurring unnatural collocations such as references to polishing knowledge reduce precision.
Choose conventional word combinations and check that sophisticated terms fit the exact meaning and grammatical context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, though recurring article, agreement, and construction errors remain noticeable despite generally clear meaning.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause patterns, accurate articles, and subject-verb agreement before adding further structural variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people agree that the best way to become successful in life is to get the university education, while others disagree and reckon that nowadays it is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.