Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays, famous athletes earn huge amount of money while even great scientists’ income can hardly reach to one-tenth of them. People have been sharply polarised by this issue; hence, few people can be found in the middle position. But what do each group state? Advocates of talented sportsmen claim they are unique in their field. They can absorb the attention of hundreds of millions to TV screens as a consequence of their brilliant performance. Therefore, either the manager of matches or team owners can advertise in prime time or on their jerseys and make fortunes. In economic terms, supply and demand dictate commodities prices in the market. If a strong demand and a severe shortage exist for these heroes, why should they undervalue themselves? After all, this is how capitalism works. On the opposite front, a vast crowd feels this reality is an injustice. They argue that those who are high achievers in other fields are unique, too. Furthermore, they compare the net income of some gifted scholars with mediocre football players and the outcome is awful in their viewpoint. Surely, all scientists don’t earn the same, but even Noble laureates earn less than sports celebrities. For instance, one of my genius colleagues complains non-stop, comparing his salary with a renowned superstar, Ronaldo. Although he has a good wage in comparison with our coworkers, he needs to save all his earnings to reach to Ronaldo’s weekly income level. All in all, I think both parties have some elements of truth in their remarks. Nonetheless, the reality, however, harsh it is, will not vary unless the economic system evolves. Capitalism is not a matter of morality. To make it ethical, in my point of view, a tax code with no loopholes should be in place which has higher rates for those with multimillion monthly packages to compensate this bitter situation and dedicate this money to the well-being of humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add countable determiner Original: huge amount of money Suggested revision: a huge amount of money Why it matters: The singular countable phrase requires the article “a.”
- 2. Use plural income noun Original: income Suggested revision: incomes Why it matters: The plural possessive refers to the separate incomes of multiple scientists.
- 3. Remove extra preposition Original: reach to one-tenth Suggested revision: reach one-tenth Why it matters: The transitive verb “reach” takes its object directly.
- 4. Fix question agreement Original: do Suggested revision: does Why it matters: The singular subject “each group” requires “does.”
- 5. Use inclusive athlete term Original: sportsmen Suggested revision: athletes Why it matters: “Athletes” is more precise and inclusive than “sportsmen.”
- 6. Correct attention collocation Original: absorb Suggested revision: capture Why it matters: Performers “capture” attention rather than “absorb” it.
- 7. Correct audience phrase Original: of hundreds of millions to TV screens Suggested revision: of hundreds of millions of television viewers Why it matters: The original prepositions do not correctly identify the people watching.
- 8. Name event organisers Original: the manager of matches Suggested revision: match organisers Why it matters: The revision accurately names those responsible for organising matches.
- 9. Use market scarcity term Original: a severe shortage Suggested revision: limited supply Why it matters: “Limited supply” states the economic condition more naturally.
- 10. Use standard contrast Original: On the opposite front Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: The fixed linker clearly introduces the opposing view.
- 11. Use opinion group noun Original: a vast crowd feels Suggested revision: many people feel Why it matters: “A vast crowd” is inappropriate for an abstract group holding an opinion.
- 12. Clarify negative judgement Original: awful in their viewpoint Suggested revision: unfair in their view Why it matters: The revision identifies the specific judgement more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- huge amount of money a huge amount of money
- income incomes
- reach to one-tenth reach one-tenth
- do does
- sportsmen athletes
- absorb capture
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, economically informed discussion, which presents a nuanced position and a relevant policy response. Its main limitation is that awkward phrasing and recurring grammatical slips sometimes blunt otherwise sophisticated ideas, while the absence of visible paragraph breaks weakens organisation. Prioritise clearer sentence construction, more natural collocations, and distinct paragraphing for each stage of the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored with relevant reasoning, and the final position is nuanced, clear, and supported by a practical tax proposal.
Develop the fairness argument with a less anecdotal example and explain more directly why the proposed tax response resolves the imbalance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through the opposing views to a conclusion, but the response lacks clear visual paragraphing and occasionally uses mechanical transitions.
Separate the introduction, each view, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary communicates complex economic and social ideas, although several collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace awkward combinations such as “absorb the attention … to TV screens” with natural, precise phrasing and check word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, articles, and unnecessary prepositions, especially constructions using “reach” and relative clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.