Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples
Sample Response
It is a fact thatIt is fact that, today’s children are involved in dangerous games which increase the rate of crime. This unconscious crime committed by young childrenlittle-aged children considerably increases in some contemporary cities.
It is not easy to keep an eye on your children, especially when you are busy with otheranother issues at home. Children are interested in almost everythinginterested almost in everything at home. However, they are not capable of distinguishingdistinguish toys or appropriate tools for playing and otheranother things which can cause a serious accidentunwillingly bad accident at home. The most important fact about it is to watch violent videos on TV and fighting games on computers. As a result of watching such programmes every child could want to put what they see into practiceput it into practise. This can also be seen with aclothes washing machine. When parents are not home, children generally use forbidden house equipment. To give a similar exampleTo take similar occasion for example, that was in Turkey. Two boys wanted to play with a washing machineplay with washing machine when their parents had not been at home. One of them wanted to “wash” the other brother. While pressing the buttonbottom to start it, unfortunately, the little brother was the victim ofwas a sacrificed of this terrible accident because of parents’ carelessness. To avoid this, parents should take away every risky thing from their children and limit their television viewinglimit the watching TV or ban violent video games.
In conclusion, I absolutely agree thatagree that, some violent games cause children to take a risk in their lives. This unwanted crime committed by children can turn them into real criminalsturn them a real criminal in the future. The way to play such violent games naturally, increase the crime in mean developed cities, which parents work and can not keep eyes on their children as much as they want in it. InsteadInstead of it we have to make every effort toall of our efforts on bringing them up in safe atmosphere and educate well. We must not forget that, they are our future. That’s why it must the first and considerable important thing to protect them from every occasion can cause frightening accident.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states a definite opinion and includes an extended example, so its general concern about children’s safety is understandable. The main weakness is that most of the discussion concerns household accidents and parental supervision rather than whether violent games cause urban violence and crime; the priority is to build a directly relevant argument, supported by an example, before improving the many language errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer expresses agreement, but the central example and much of the discussion address domestic accidents rather than the claimed rise in urban violence and crime.
Focus every main idea on the causal link between violent games and criminal behaviour, then support that link with a directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and some linking are evident, but the oversized body paragraph and shifts among games, household equipment, accidents, and parenting weaken progression.
Separate the argument into focused paragraphs and give each one a clear topic sentence, explanation, and relevant supporting example.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the broad message, but frequent inaccurate formations and collocations create strain and occasional confusion.
Replace awkward phrases such as little-aged children and a sacrificed of this accident with common, precise vocabulary learned in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb patterns, prepositions, and clause formation reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check each one for subject-verb agreement, articles, and correct verb complements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.