Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Sample Response
In today's world, the majorityIn today's world majority of young adults are looking for freedom and are tryingtry to live without parents, but some of them wish to stay with their parents for as long as they canwish to stay long with their parents as much as they can. Personally, I believe that it is better for all concerned if young adults can continue living with their parents and families for a long time, particularly untilparticularly, till they finish their education or get married. First of all, after becoming an adult, it is best for everyone to head out to embrace theirour independence. Although it is the most important part to consider finance, because when young adults leave their parents, they face unexpected problems and they have to earn money for the cost of living. For instance, for foods, rent, utilities, and health and other insurance etc. Furthermore, if they are studying, theyif they are studying they should work hard and study to build their future rather than doing part time jobs that might hamper their education. In Advance, not only the finances but also they should consider the study potential. Those who preferWhoever prefer to live with their parents believe that without any pressureand they believe without any pressure they can spend their youth more freely than otherswith more freedom than the others. They do not worryBecause they do not worry about rent, food, work etc. They only needOnly they need to focus on their studies. Therefore, they benefit from getting enough sleepget enough sleep as a benefit. In a competitive society, this is the most difficult stage to navigatethis is the hardest age to pass, for the reason that some young adults have only seen superficial impressions of independent lifesome external views of independent life. From my experiences in university life one of my friends lived in a share accommodation and had fun and party time in her whole university life, but at the end of the year she had to struggle with her studies and had to stay a long time in university to complete her studies. Until they get bad experiences from life some of them remain blind to see the real world. In conclusion, when I consider both arguments it is clear that if young adults live with their families they can get more benefits than the young who live a free life without families. In addition, those who live with their parentsthose who lives with parents get well protection and parental guidance to follow the right pathparents’ guide to enter the right track to reach their life goals.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear preference for young adults remaining with their families and supports it with relevant financial, educational, and personal considerations. However, the argument is presented as one unbroken paragraph, includes a contradictory early statement, and contains frequent grammatical and collocational errors. The priority is to separate and sequence the main reasons, while revising sentence boundaries and agreement for clearer communication.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear overall choice is supported with relevant reasons and an example, though some ideas are repetitive or internally inconsistent.
Remove the contradictory claim that leaving home is best and develop each advantage of staying with family more distinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and several mechanical or unclear links weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, reason, example, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but frequent inaccurate forms and collocations limit precision and flexibility.
Revise awkward phrases such as "study potential," "share accommodation," and "get well protection" into natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, fragments, articles, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Correct sentence fragments and consistently check subject-verb agreement, especially with plural subjects and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.