The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how sugar is produced from sugar cane. The entire process consists of sevenfive main stages, the first of which covers the cultivation and harvesting of sugar cane. This is followed by a series of industrial processes, namely, crushing, purification, evaporation and separation, which collectively convert the raw material into juice, syrup and finally the end-product itself, sugar.
By far the longest part of the process is the first. Sugar cane, after it has been left to grow for between 12 and 18 monthsfrom between 12 to a maximum of 18 months, is harvested either mechanically using a harvesterby mechanical means using a combine harvester or manually. The harvested cane is then passed through a crusher, which extracts the juicemaking it into juice. This juice is then purifiedmust be purified by filtering it through a limestone filter. After that, the purified juice is heated in an evaporator, turningevaporator turning it into syrup. The next stage of the process involves separating sugar crystals from the syrupseparating the syrup from sugar crystals in a centrifuge.
Finally, the resultant sugar crystals are dried and cooled in a dryer and coolerstorage tanks after which it isafter which the sugar is then ready to be packaged and sold.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response accurately and efficiently traces sugar production from the lengthy growing stage through harvesting and the successive industrial transformations, with a strong overview and consistently logical progression. Its language is precise and varied, and errors are rare. The main refinement is to avoid small unsupported additions such as packaging and selling and to describe the final drying and cooling apparatus without calling it a storage tank.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview and accurately covers every essential stage, with only minor unsupported wording at the end.
Keep the conclusion strictly tied to the diagram by ending with dried and cooled sugar crystals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced naturally from cultivation to the final product, with effective paragraphing and cohesive progression.
For even sharper organisation, state that the diagram contains seven numbered stages while grouping them into agricultural and industrial phases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well suited to process description, with only occasional slightly awkward phrasing.
Replace the cumbersome range phrase with grows for 12 to 18 months and avoid unsupported storage-tank terminology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine modifier attachment and punctuation around participial clauses, such as the clause describing evaporation into syrup.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.