The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.
Sample Response
The chart provides a breakdown of employment in a number of tourism-related industries over a ten-year period. Overall, we can see that the total employmenttotal level of employment increased by about twenty per cent during the period. However, there was some variation in the figures for the individual sectors. For example, while the travel industry saw substantial workforce growthincreased its workforce substantially over the decade, there was relatively little growth in employment in hotels and other tourist accommodationthat associated with hotels and other tourist accommodation. Travel represented the largest proportional increasethe biggest area of expansion, having nearly doubled its workforcealmost doubled its number of employees by 2019. The food industry also saw a significant increase, from 283,000 employees in 2009 to 357,000 in 2019, while the sports industry enjoyed a somewhat smaller increasean almost equal level of growth. The only sector to declineleast successful sector was culture, including museums and art galleries, whose employment figurewhere the figures actually fell slightly over the period. The data suggests that, despite minor fluctuations in the various sectors, employment in the tourism industry as a whole will continue to grow.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report selects almost every important feature and compares the sectors accurately with specific data, using fluent and precise language throughout. Its main weakness is the unsupported prediction that tourism employment will continue to grow, while the reference to fluctuations is also unjustified by a chart showing only two years. Replace that conclusion with a factual comparison of the largest sectors and changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers the overall increase and the contrasting changes across all five sectors with relevant figures.
Remove the forecast about future growth and conclude with a comparison that is directly supported by the two displayed years.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report develops from a clear overview to well-selected sector comparisons in a smooth and readily followed sequence.
Use a separate detail paragraph to give the otherwise strong organisation even clearer visual structure.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise range of vocabulary conveys totals, sector differences, and degrees of change naturally.
Avoid fluctuation when the chart provides only two data points and therefore shows changes rather than intermediate variation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparative and subordinate structures are handled accurately and flexibly throughout the response.
Preserve this accuracy while occasionally shortening clause-heavy sentences to sharpen emphasis on the key figures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.