You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company ……………………,
Sample Response
Dear Mr. Kim,Dear Manager Kim!
At the moment, I have a great position in our company, which I got two years ago, after the interview. From the start until the presentcurrent time, I have learnedI learned more and mastered useful skills for my work. I'm completely satisfied with my place, responsibilities and position, but with time we need to strivestive more to developon developing and improving.
In this letter, I want to write to suggestaddress you with suggestion about transferringmy moving into another section to gain a new experience and proficiency. I want to secure new partnershipsensure your company with partners and agreements. Also, despite stress and pressurepresure I can be a valuable assetbenefit employee. I will work hard and enable growinggrawing and sharing our projects. Moving to a different department isit's an amazing opportunity for me to demonstrate my potential.
I look forward to hearing from youI will expect your answer after considering my proposal. Despite your decisiondesition I will makedo my contribution to the team'sfor team development.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The letter communicates a basic intent to transfer departments, but it lacks the necessary detail and formal tone required for a professional letter to a manager. The main limitation is the failure to clearly address the third bullet point (explaining why you do not wish to leave the company) and the vague details provided for the other points. To improve, you must explicitly address every prompt requirement with specific examples and adopt a consistently polite, formal tone.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose of the letter is partially achieved, but key details are missing. You do not clearly explain why you want to stay with this specific company instead of leaving (Bullet 3), and your description of what you learned (Bullet 1) is too vague. The tone is also occasionally inappropriate, such as using exclamation marks and demanding phrases like 'I will expect your answer'.
Ensure you address all three bullet points with concrete details. For example, name specific skills you learned (e.g., project management) and explicitly state why you love the company's culture to satisfy the third bullet.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter is divided into paragraphs, but the progression of ideas is sometimes abrupt. Cohesive devices are used but are occasionally repetitive or inaccurate (e.g., starting sentences with 'Despite' or 'Also' in a repetitive manner).
Use a wider range of linking words and ensure smooth transitions between sentences. For instance, instead of 'Also, despite...', use 'Furthermore, even under pressure...'
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling and word-choice errors that affect clarity. Words like 'stive', 'presure', 'grawing', and 'desition' are misspelled, and expressions like 'benefit employee' are non-standard.
Focus on learning professional business collocations (e.g., 'make a contribution' instead of 'do my contribution', and 'valuable asset' instead of 'benefit employee').
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses ('I learned' instead of 'I have learned'), sentence structure ('it's' used redundantly after a noun phrase), and preposition usage. Contractions ('I'm', 'it's') are also used, which should be avoided in formal letters.
Practice using the present perfect tense for actions starting in the past and continuing to the present. Avoid contractions in formal writing to maintain a professional register.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company ……………………,
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.