Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples
Sample Response
Art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are fundamental subjects thatare fundamentals that enrich our lives. However, some parents say schools concentrate on teaching traditionalmore academic subjects, such as mathematics, science, literature and history. In my opinion, both academic and arts subjects should be taught and I will expand on the pros and cons of including arts in the school program further on in this essay.
On the one hand, academic subjects are often required when we get into higher educationeducations. Academic subjects may be consideredconsidered as valuable foundationprecious basement in the academic world. Personally, I have never taken an entrance exam in an art subjectan entrance exam of art subjects for high school or university. In other words, schools assessedmeasured my academic abilities through academic subjects rather than art subjectsusing academic subjects, not art subjects. To meet the demands of the current educational systemTo suit the current educational system, many parents in my home country, Japan, send their children to cram schools to study academic subjects in depthstudy academic subjects deeply.
On the other hand, art subjects can develop individuals' creativity and flexibilitystrengthen the creativity and flexibility of individuals. Liberal arts, which include cultural understanding and knowledge, also include other arts subjects. In addition, we are living in the era of automation and artificial intelligence which are replacing human labor and office work increasinglymore and more. In this regard, human creativity is becominghuman creativity becomes more important. Therefore, art subjects are increasingly in demandare being more in demand to distinguish individuals from computersmake a difference between individuals and computers.
In conclusion, academic and arts subjects should be combined in the school curriculumshould blend in a school syllabus in a balanced way. Art subjects can also nurture better personal qualitiesnature a better personality in individuals, so participation in these classes should be encouraged alongside academic achievementparticipation in these classes should be encouraged as well as academic achievements.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear organization and relevant explanation of how arts education can foster creativity in an automated economy. The discussion of academic subjects occupies substantial space without directly advancing the stated agreement, while frequent awkward word choices reduce precision. The priority is to build both body paragraphs around reasons schools should include arts, using accurate collocations and specific examples that directly support that position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear balanced position and relevant support for arts education, but the academic-subject paragraph only partly addresses the exact proposition.
Use each body paragraph to develop a distinct reason for including arts in every school and support it with a specific outcome or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression are clear, though the on-the-one-hand framework makes the argument seem more mechanical than necessary.
Organize the body around complementary supporting reasons rather than an apparent opposition between academic and arts subjects.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a good range of education and technology vocabulary, but frequent collocational errors sometimes make expression awkward.
Replace inaccurate phrases such as precious basement, study deeply, and nature a personality with precise, conventional academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the ideas clearly, although errors in plurals, agreement, articles, and verb patterns remain noticeable.
Proofread noun forms and verb constructions, especially higher education, artificial intelligence is, and should be blended into the syllabus.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.