In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
Sample Response
The number of sportspeople using illegal substances to improve their performance has increased in many professional sportssporting events. This essay believes that many athletes are taking banned substances to win competitionstaking banned substances to win the competition and push their capabilities beyond their natural limitsexceed capabilities beyond their limits. This can be prevented by requiring athletes to take drug tests before the competition and punishingpunish them if they have violated the rules.
Some sportsmen are taking banned substances because they want to be the topbest athlete in the competition. It is in their nature to be ahead of other competitorson top among other competitors, and winning is their main goal. In addition, using illegal substances helpshelp go beyond their natural abilitiesexceed their abilities by boosting their physical strength. They are tempted to do this because it helps them to handle such excruciating trainingtrainings needed to achieve their goals. For instance, Michael Phelps, a professional swimmer, confessed that the use of an illegal substance has helped him become an Olympic goldGold medallist.
One waysolution to eradicate this problem is to test all athletes before the competition so that they will be discouraged from using banned substances, thereby ensuring fair competition among athletesallowing fair competition among athletes. Moreover, sports organizations should also punish athletes who takeathletes who are taking performance-enhancing drugs, such as banning them from competing in any sporting eventfrom playing any sports event. This will teach them a lessongive them lessons and take away the temptation to usethe temptations of using illegal substances. For example, the Tour de France organisersorganization has banned Edward Armstrong from entering the bike racing competition and stripped him of all his trophiesstripped down all his trophies because of his drug violations.
In conclusion, many athletes nowadays use illegal substances to win the competition and exceed their physical capabilities. However, it is vital to have fair competition, and this goal can be achievedthis can be eradicated by requiring athletes to undergo drug testsrequiring the athletes to do drug tests and ban them if found guilty.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly answers both parts of the question, and its strongest feature is the straightforward development of relevant causes and practical solutions. Its main limitation is imprecise language and recurring grammatical errors, while some supporting examples are questionable and the two causes partly overlap. The highest-priority improvement is to develop more distinct causes with credible, specific support while checking agreement, word forms, and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are directly addressed with a clear position and generally relevant development.
Develop two more clearly distinct causes and support them with accurate, specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, and the main ideas are logically sequenced.
Make references such as ‘this’ more precise and reduce formulaic linking between supporting points.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, although several word choices and collocations are inaccurate.
Replace awkward combinations such as ‘excruciating trainings’ and ‘give them lessons’ with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but agreement and parallel-structure errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement, countable nouns, and parallel verb forms in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.