Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In modern society, with the continuous population growthcontinuous increment of population, students, even young ones,students, even for those young ones, face fierce competition. To help their childrenkids earn a competitive edge among peers, some parents believe it’s better for the children to learn subjects related to various fields, while others hold that focusing on a few courses is the best solution. From my pointpoints of view, I lean towards the former.
It is true that children will get better gradesmore ideal grades when they merely focus on one or two subjectsone subject or two. One’s energy is limited, and this is especially the case for young teenagers who cannot master so much knowledge both psychologically and intellectually. By contrast, if they allocate much time to a single subjectallocate much time on single subject, such as academic ones like math and language, and aesthetic ones like dancing and painting, they will be very likely to perform much betterget much better performance in that domain than their peersthan others. This specializationspecialty can help them enrolget enrolled in a good middle school in many cases. Furthermore, many educational practitioners argue that older school children are not ready to studynot suitable to learn so many academic subjectsso much academic curriculums including physics and chemistry mentally, as thisthese content are too difficult for children of that age to understandtoo hard to be understood by kids at that young age. As a resultAs result, for the sake of kids’ near future, they should mainly focus on a few subjects.
However, the fallacy of the idea mentioned above is also obvious, and I believe school kids should try as many subjects as they can. Initially, no one, including the parents, could be completely certain about the talents hidden inside a child. Although education that focuses onlythe education only focusing on a few subjects is helpful when applying to middle schoolshelpful for application to middle schools, this is definitely harmful to the discovery of the kid’s true talent, and could exert profound influence on the teenager in the long run. FurthermoreFor another, as we all know, young teenagers are not psychologically mature enough to concentratenot so psychologically mature to concentrate themselves on one single subject for a relativelyrelative long time as adults do. Forcing these youngsters to study a single subjectForcing these youngsters on a sole subject not only leads to a decreased efficiency in learning, but also ends up with family conflict in many scenarios. By contrast, if children are allowed to learn as many subjects as they want, all these problems can be avoided from happening. Not only can children exploit their potentials in various spheres, they can also keep their mind sharp and learn the knowledge effectively.
In conclusion, although making older school children focus only a few subjects is beneficial to their near academic career, I believe only a wide range of subjects could ensure a promising future for the students, as long as the subjects are carefully selected and are not too hard to be understood by them.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay gives a clear opinion, discusses both educational approaches at useful length, and maintains a logical argument across well-defined paragraphs. Its main limitation is recurring awkward or inaccurate language, especially collocations, plural forms, and prepositions; the highest-priority improvement is to express the same developed ideas in more natural, precise phrasing and edit systematically for grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are developed with relevant reasoning, and the writer's preference for a broad curriculum remains clear throughout.
Make the supporting claims more measured and explain more precisely how curriculum breadth produces the stated long-term benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear four-paragraph structure, with effective overall sequencing despite some conspicuous connective phrasing.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and strengthen the internal progression between evidence and conclusions within each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary supports discussion of education and development, but recurring collocational and word-choice problems sometimes make expression unnatural.
Replace forced phrases with established academic collocations and check that each noun, verb, and adjective fits its context precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures successfully, though errors with plurals, articles, prepositions, and complementation recur across the response.
Edit complex sentences for noun agreement and verb patterns, especially after focus, allow, force, and suitable.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.