Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree.
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that every aspect of lifeevery field of the world is covered by media. Media is a great source of information and keeps us up to date with national and international news. However, most peoplemost of the individuals think that it has a more negativedownward effect on children’s lives and I agree with that, it has a negative impactit put some bad impact on kids.
First of all, children indulgeindulging in activities such as drinking, smoking, criminal activity, and so onsmoking, crime and so on because they see their favourite stars performingthey saw their favorite start to performing such activitiessuch kind of things in movies. As a resultSo as a result of it, they just imitate themstart to imitate them. For instance, in the movie “SHARABI” a well-known celebrity ‘Amitabh Bachchan’ is shown drinking alcoholhad shown to taking alcohol throughout the filmin the whole film which influences young peopleso he influences the youth and they start to imitate himthey start to follow them.
Furthermore, printprinting media as well as electronic mediaas well as, electronic media show the personal liveslife of film stars and portrayin which they show how they live a luxurious life and their family relationships. Because of it, children are strongly attracted to their lifestyleskids attract most with their life so they spend a lot of money on buying expensive clothes and accessories that they do not really needwhich they do not really need it. Sometimes, for fulfilling this desire they may even try to enter the world of crimethey go as try and enter in the world of crime.
To conclude, media is quite useful for information but nowadays it has some adverse effect as well, such as harm the moral values, high crime rate, uneducated and so on.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states a clear agreement and offers two relevant lines of argument, including an illustrative example. However, development is uneven, the final paragraph adds unclear claims, and frequent grammatical and word-choice errors sometimes make the reasoning difficult to follow. Focus first on building each main idea through accurate cause-and-effect sentences, then use the conclusion only to restate the established position and key reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreeing position is supported by relevant ideas about imitation and materialism, but development is uneven and the under-length conclusion introduces vague effects.
Explain each claimed effect in a fuller cause-and-effect chain and restate only those developed ideas in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and basic sequencing provide overall progression, although faulty referencing and loosely connected clauses disrupt local coherence.
Use clear noun references instead of repeated or ambiguous pronouns, and give each sentence one logically complete step in the argument.
Lexical Resource
The response uses some relevant and less common vocabulary, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prioritise accurate topic collocations, such as negative effect, print media, and children are attracted to, before attempting more ambitious wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, clause construction, and pronouns sometimes make sentences difficult to follow.
Build reliable complete sentences with accurate subjects and finite verbs before combining ideas into longer complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.