Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Together with the computerization of our society, there is a rising of public awareness about kids, who spend too much time in front of the personal computer or playing video games. What is best for children to devote their free time to outdoor activities and conventional games or to be at home and entertain themselves with the computer? Some types of PC games can be intellectually challengingvery intelligent and may have considerable educational valuemay contain huge educational potential. They can encourage youngsters to develop researchresearching skills and inspire them to learn new things. However, a significant number of video games area significant amount of video games is mindlessdumb-type, which develop only button-pushing skillswhich develops nothing but button-pushing skill. Unfortunately, these games are usually highly addictive. Thus, they can cause a lack of physical activity and even serious mental health problemsmental diseases. Outdoor games are often more beneficial for kids’ health. They not only train them in terms of agility and endurance but teach children to socialise and make friends. Moreover, they make them stronger because of fresh air, physical activity and exposure to sunlightthe sunlight. However, beingTherefore, being on outdoors is not always safethe street not always safe. An unattended child can be injuredreceive trauma or become a victimsubject of crime. I was not a very outgoing and physically active kid and preferred to read rather than playpreferred to rather read than play with others. Getting a computer brought more variety to my leisure and studiesbrought more diversity for my leisure and study. It helped me to experience new emotions, learn new things, study English and meet interesting people online. My aptitude in information technologyInformation technologies has helped me to get a good job and then progress in my careerget a good job and then grow up in my job. Therefore, I thinkTherefore I think parents should look at their child’s personality in order to decide what is more appropriate. Finding a balance between electronic entertainment and outdoor games depends on parents’ ability to identify what is most beneficial for their childwhat best benefits their child.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response explores both electronic entertainment and outdoor activity through several relevant benefits, risks, and a useful personal example, leading to a qualified conclusion. Its main limitation is uneven language control and a position that emerges late rather than guiding the discussion from the outset; state the balanced view clearly in the introduction, then develop fewer points with more precise support and cleaner sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue from both perspectives and reaches a relevant, nuanced conclusion based on individual needs.
State the qualified position in the introduction and develop the strongest reasons more fully instead of moving through many brief claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is generally easy to follow, although progression is weakened by abrupt shifts and occasionally inaccurate linking.
Organise the discussion into clearly focused paragraphs and replace illogical connectors with links that accurately show contrast or consequence.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a sufficient range for discussing education, health, socialisation, and personal experience, but several collocations are unnatural.
Use more natural combinations for ideas such as public awareness, educational value, injury, leisure, and career progression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring problems with articles, agreement, clause formation, and word order reduce accuracy.
Prioritise complete clause construction and subject-verb agreement, then proofread articles and comparative patterns in each sentence.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.