Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
It is a well-known fact that certain professions get paid more than others. Celebrities are especially known to receive high remuneration, which is sometimes argued to be excessively hightoo excessively high. Nevertheless, I agree that stars should be paid a large sum of money. There are a number of reasons why this should be the case. Firstly, they carrythey will carry a heavy burden by being constantly under the spotlight. While there are those who enjoy such attention, living under public scrutiny can be quite stressful for others. FurthermoreOn top of that, it is quite likely that they will have no privacy, even regarding their personal livesin regard to their personal lives. Therefore, there should be an equal trade-off in the form of money for those sacrifices. MoreoverBesides, their performances are often broadcastappearances are often broadcasted all over the world. For instance, the movie they starred in might be screened inat hundreds of cinemas. Thus, the movie's earningsmovie earnings itself would be high, so it would only make sense that they receiveget high pay for playing in it. In additionEven so, there are other professions that should also receive a high salaryget high salary. One of these is the type of work that involves a great risk, such as miners who are at risk of being trapped inside a mine. In addition, jobs wherejobs, where people's health is at stake, should also be rewarded with a reasonably high salaryreasonably high amount of money. For instance, doctors and psychologistspsychologist who are responsible for people's well-being or even their liveshandle people's wellbeing or even lives should receiveobtain high pay. This is because it might be demanding and exhausting to work in such professions. In conclusion, I agree that entertainers should be well-paid. In additionOn the other hand, other jobs that involve great harm or people's health should have a relatively high salary too.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear view, and gives relevant reasons for paying entertainers and certain other workers highly. However, presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens organisation, while recurring collocational and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the two parts of the argument into focused body paragraphs and then refine inaccurate phrases and agreement errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with a clear position and relevant support concerning privacy, revenue, risk, and responsibility.
Explain more precisely why each proposed profession merits high pay rather than relying on broad claims about stress or harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally logical sequence and cohesive markers guide the reader, but the single-paragraph presentation obscures the essay's structure.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one body paragraph for each question.
Lexical Resource
There is a useful range of vocabulary, but awkward combinations such as 'too excessively high', 'movie earnings itself', and 'get high salary' recur.
Improve collocational accuracy and control of countable nouns when describing salaries, earnings, and professions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but agreement, article, plurality, and punctuation errors occur noticeably while meaning remains clear.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement, especially forms such as 'doctors and psychologist' and references to salaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.