These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?
Sample Response
The recent developments in globalizationin the term called "Globalization" have rendered people with numerous opportunities. The world has become a small village rather than a vast planeta small village from a big planet called Earthearth. With these changes, more and more people are opting to work in foreign countriesterritories along with their families. This approach is considered to be beneficial according to some people in terms of family relationships. Others argueWhile others argue that it can lead to some negative effects and therefore they should not bring their families. Therefore, in order to decide which approachdecide that which approach is beneficial, we will analyse both sides. To begin with, not taking your family members with you can have many adverse effects. First of all, it can become a hindrance as regardsas regards to building strong relationships. For instance, if your family is not living with you, the distance can weaken the relationship. It may even end up in separation as some people cannot bear long distance relationships. Secondly, it can put extra financial burden on the families. For exampleIn exemplification, it is often seen that persons living and working abroadworking in abroad can share their accommodations with others and hence have to pay lower rentlesser rents. On the other hand, if families are taken, then they have to rent an entire house. This can be especially burdensome in case a person has a big family. Finally, the members of the family have to face several problems in an alien country. Exemplifying that, it is often observed that children and older people have to experience cultural shocks and language barriers when they migrate to a new country. On the other hand, taking family abroadSimilarly, this practice can facilitate one with multiple facilities. First and foremost is that it can be really helpful in case a person feels homesick. Having your loved ones near to you can bring you emotional support and it will also help us to strengthen our bonds. What is more, a person can become financially strong. Having more working family members can mean a higher household income.As having more members mean higher income. Last but not least, it will be truly helpful for the children because they need the love and care of both parents and this age needs to be emphasised more. Also, they can get better education and better work opportunitiesa better education and work opportunity by living in a developed country. At last, it can be concluded that both approaches have pros and cons in relation to family matters. I personally believe that the choice should be left for the person to decide. If he is financially capable of shouldering the responsibility, then taking family memberstaking the blood relatives is the best choice. And if he is unable to do so, it is better to go alone initially. However, the family should be called as soon as possible.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay considers both advantages and disadvantages and supports them with relevant points about relationships, finances, cultural adjustment, and children. However, the organisation sometimes blurs the two sides, while the response delays a direct comparative position and contains recurring grammatical and unnatural phrasing. The highest-priority improvement is to state a clear answer from the introduction, structure one focused paragraph for each side, and edit for complete, natural sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages and gives a practical final view, but it does not directly decide whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages until a conditional conclusion.
State your position in the introduction and return to that same position in every body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally progress, but the first body paragraph mixes arguments about leaving family behind with arguments about taking family abroad, which weakens the logic.
Use one paragraph for disadvantages of taking family abroad and one paragraph for benefits, with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but several phrases are unnatural or over-formal, such as "in exemplification" and "blood relatives".
Prefer natural academic wording and avoid memorised phrases that do not fit the sentence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but article use, prepositions, sentence fragments, and agreement errors appear regularly.
Edit for complete sentences and check plural nouns, articles, and preposition patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.