A good answer would specifically address the micro-keywords i.e. is it right to exclude men or women from certain professions? The most important words here are right, exclude and certain.
Sample Response
Gender has always been an issue for bothbot men and women in getting a job. Traditionally, men wereare the ones who went out to work to earn money to support their familiesfamily, whereas women stayed at homesat in the home and spent their time more on domestic chores. As time has passedWith time passes, more women have started to get involved in almost every professionalmost in every professions that the males are already involved in. But there are certain professions which accept only onea gender and exclude the otherexclude other.
Some people would argue that it is more common that men get involved in jobs which require physical strength but this is not the case with women. Because unlike the body system of a male, the female body system is comparatively different and it is unhealthy for the female body system to indulge in physically strenuous activity. This is because it can causeThe reason is it can cause severe muscular or even physiologicalchemical changes in the female body system which may lead to certain diseases later in lifein their later life.
On the other hand, others would argue that the selectionacceptance of employees should be based on a person’s personal interest, experience and knowledge rather than on genderbut not on gender. For instance, fromform the very beginning, nursing was highly recommended and allowed only for females. But today, more males are interested and qualified in the field, so employersthe superiors are also willing to employhappy with employing more male nurses than female, particularly for dealing with male patients.
Besides that, there is notno much work in the world that is restricted to one genderwhich specifies only for a certain gender. For almost every job, whether it is high income or low income, both men and women have evenly indulged in it. For instance, there are both males and females who are working as cleaners which is a low income and there are both genders who are qualified in high income jobs such as doctor and engineer.
To sum up, the views support the argument that certain genders should and should not be excluded from certain professions. There are jobs that require hard work such as working on the construction site, doctors and engineers and light work such as graphic designing and office works. But it is more advisable for women to indulge more on light work to avoid physical illness, however, this does not mean that the males are obliged to work in physically demanding jobs while women work in less strenuous jobs. This is preferably depends on the strength and the situation of the job, and most importantly the person’s interest in it.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a recognisable discussion of physical demands and equal access to employment, with generally logical paragraph-level progression. Its main limitation is an uncertain, sometimes contradictory position, compounded by unsupported claims about women's health and frequent awkward language. The highest priority is to state a consistent judgment on exclusion and develop it through credible, clearly explained criteria for assessing individual suitability.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses gender-based exclusion through relevant examples, but its position remains inconsistent and several central claims are weakly supported.
State a clear judgment on whether exclusion is justified and support it with credible reasoning focused on individual ability and job requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a broadly logical progression with distinct body paragraphs, although some linking is mechanical and the conclusion becomes difficult to follow.
Use clearer topic sentences and make each paragraph advance one precise claim toward a concise, consistent conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss employment and physical demands, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Replace awkward expressions with natural combinations such as physically demanding work, suitability for a role, and equal employment opportunities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and sentence construction weaken control.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and noun forms, and split overloaded sentences where clause relationships are unclear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A good answer would specifically address the micro-keywords i.e. is it right to exclude men or women from certain professions? The most important words here are right, exclude and certain.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.