Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?
Sample Response
Some argue that eating junk food contributes to an unhealthy lifestyle and that it is becoming increasingly common to see young people suffer from this problemproclivity. To my mind, it is not the sole cause of this issue, though it is partlyissue though it is partly to blame for it. Admittedly, junk food consumption can beprove detrimental to the well-being of young people Deletefor several reasons. The main harm comes from itstheir poor nutritional content. From a scientific standpoint, junk food such as fast food and packaged ready meals tendstend to be rich in unhealthy fats and carbohydrates, which have been shown to causewhich are shown to result in inflammation. Inflammation, in turn, is one of the underlying causes of obesity and diabetes. As such, young people who eat food items with low nutritional value, including junk food,food items with low nutritional value, junk food by extension, are bound to lead a less-than-healthy lifestylesuffer from less than healthy lifestyle. However, I believeI, however, tend to think there are other, more significant causes ofother more significant factors behind an unhealthy lifestyle among young people. Lack of exercise is arguably the most common reason. The fact that most young people today have modern conveniences such as cars, smartphones, home delivery, and labour-saving appliancesa personal car, a smartphone, home delivery, and powerful home appliances means that they do not have to be as physically active anymorephysically active as much anymore. This is further compounded by easy access to entertainment. While in the past most young people played sports and enjoyed outdoor activitiesspent time outdoors to have fun, these days they can entertain themselves by watchingentertain themselves watching TV or playing video games indoors. These changes appear to have had a greater influence on the lifestylemore influence on the lifestyle of young people than junk food. In conclusion, as much as I think part of the blame for an unhealthy lifestyle among youngsters lies withon junk food, I am more inclined to say that insufficient exercise and the prevalence of indoor entertainment are more significant determinants.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its nuanced, consistently maintained position that junk food contributes to the problem while inactivity is more influential, and both sides of that position receive relevant development. Its main limitation is the absence of paragraph breaks, which weakens the visible organisation despite clear logical movement. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion while correcting a few awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question with a qualified position and develops both junk food and alternative causes in substantial detail.
Make the comparative judgment even sharper by briefly explaining why inactivity outweighs diet as a determinant of lifestyle.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through concession and counterargument, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph significantly weakens organisation.
Use distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion so the progression is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, although several choices are awkward or inaccurate in context.
Use more natural collocations by revising phrases such as “suffer from this proclivity,” “less than healthy lifestyle,” and “blame ... lies on.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are handled with strong control overall, with a few article, agreement, and preposition errors.
Proofread noun phrases and verb agreement, especially forms such as “their poor nutritional content” after a singular referent and missing articles before “lifestyle.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.