Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Every year, thousands of people worldwide die from both smoking tobacco and involuntarily breathing it in. Despite this, I do not agree that it should be made illegal. However, I also believe that its use should be regulatedthere should be a regulation on its use, considering its harms to health. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views. It is irrefutable that tobacco products, especially cigarettes, could cause lung cancer, heart disease, and other illnesses. Drug abuse also has many potentially harmful effects not only on individuals but also on family, friends, work and society. Frequent drug users may turn to crime to meet the increasing expense for their habit. Continued drug use may cause personality changes. Some users lose interest in school or work, or have difficulty meeting the responsibilities of a job or family. Nonetheless, it costs society far more to prohibit a drug than it does to regulate it. And I’m not talking about just money. Prohibition creates organized crime, and with it you get street wars, and police corruption. With more violence comes more police, and that means higher costsmore cost. Regulation, on the other hand,Regulation on the other hand, works quite well. The government should decide who may manufacture itwho gets to make it, who sells it, and who it is sold to. There should be controls on tobacco regarding potency, packaging, advertising, and other relevant factorsa lot of other things. This is definitely better than banning a drug which leads to organized crime. Moreover, tobacco has long been a source of revenue for governmentssource of money for the governments in many countries. This income comes from taxes on manufactured tobacco productsthe manufactured products. Excise taxes also come from tobacco that arrives from other countries. Finally, I believe that it is better to educate people about the harm caused by tobaccoharms of tobacco. This approach has proved effective in many countriesworked better in many countries and there has been a reduction in the sale of tobacco products. To putproducts To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, banning tobacco is not a good idea. Drug prohibition has been the least successful social policymost failed social policy and banning tobacco is a step backwards. However, there should be controls on the manufacturecontrol on the manufacturing and sale of tobacco.
Delete(For banning) Every year, thousands of people worldwide die from both smoking tobacco and involuntarily breathing it in. Therefore, I agree that it should be made illegal considering its harms to health. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views. It is irrefutable that tobacco products, especially cigarettes, could cause lung cancer, heart disease, and other illnesses. Smoking tobacco kills more than alcohol, drug abuse, car crashes, murders, suicides, and fires combined. WorldwideWorld-wide some 3 million people die from smoking each year, 1 every 10 seconds. Smokers are more than 20 times more likely to develop lung cancer than non-smokers, and smoking can lead to a host of other health problems, including emphysema and heart disease. The detrimental effects of cigarette smoke are not just on the active smoker, but also on the passive smoker. Smoking tobacco not only gives the smoker a high chance of an early grave; it givesan early grave it gives those around themhim/her the same chances due to second-hand smokesecond hand smoke. What is more, a child born to a woman who has actively or passively smoked during pregnancy has chances of developing congenital defects. Drug abuse also has many potentially harmful effects not only on individuals but also on family, friends, work and society. Frequent drug users may turn to crime to meet the increasing expense for their habit. Continued drug use may cause personality changes. Some users lose interest in school or work, or have difficulty meeting the responsibilities of a job or family. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, one of the main responsibilities of any government is to ensure the safety of its population, that is why taking tobacco should be made illegal.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a substantial range of relevant arguments and generally communicates individual points clearly. Its central weakness is that it combines two complete, opposing answers—first rejecting a ban and then supporting one—so the overall position is contradictory, while repetition and absent internal paragraphing weaken progression. The highest-priority improvement is to choose one position and build a single, selectively developed essay around it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Although both sets of arguments are relevant and often developed, the two opposing answers leave the response without a coherent overall position.
Select one defensible position and include only arguments that consistently support that answer throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress reasonably within each opposing section, but wholesale repetition, extremely long blocks, and the abrupt switch of position undermine overall coherence.
Organize one answer into distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph advancing a new supporting reason.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly broad topic-specific vocabulary, though some phrasing is formulaic, informal, or imprecise.
Replace memorized expressions and vague wording with precise academic phrases that fit the specific argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful mix of simple and complex structures, but punctuation, sentence-boundary, article, and agreement errors recur.
Edit long sentences for complete clause boundaries and check punctuation and agreement before submitting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.