These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for people to move away from their hometowns in their adulthood to seek better careers, living standards or opportunities. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages, and in this essay,disadvantages and in this essay, I will discuss both while also arguingopining that it has more disadvantagesdemerits than advantages.
On the one hand, there are several benefits to moving away from one’s hometown. Firstly, it provides individuals with greater opportunities for personal and professional growth. For example, moving to a larger city or a different country can offer access to better education, higher living standardsbetter education, living standards, job prospects, and cultural experiences. Additionally, living away from one’s family and friends can help individuals develop independence and self-reliance.
On the other hand, there are also drawbacks to this trend. One disadvantage is that it can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. For instance, when people move away from their hometowns, they leave behind their support networks of family and friends. This can be particularly challenging for those who struggle to make new connections therenew connections in their new location. Furthermore, moving away from one’s hometown can resultcan also result in a loss of connection to one’s cultural heritage and traditions. It is noticeable that these disadvantages are so severe that they eventually overshadow the merits of this trend.
In conclusion, while there are some advantages to moving away from one’s hometown, there are also disadvantages, such as loneliness and isolationmental stress and disconnection from one’s cultural heritage. It is expected that the state authority and the government would take initiatives to develop rural and remote areas so that such migration becomes less necessary.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear judgement and develops both sides in a coherent, easy-to-follow structure. Its main limitation is that the claim that disadvantages outweigh advantages is asserted more strongly than it is comparatively demonstrated, and some formal word choices sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to weigh the two sides explicitly by explaining why the social losses are more significant than the stated personal and professional gains.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are relevantly discussed and a consistent judgement is stated, but the comparative evaluation is limited.
Directly compare the importance and likely duration of the benefits and drawbacks before concluding which side carries greater weight.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced and clearly paragraphed, with ideas progressing smoothly from benefits to drawbacks and conclusion.
Reduce formulaic signposting and create more explicit logical links between the listed disadvantages and the final outweigh judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although some expressions are overly formal, repetitive, or unnatural.
Prefer natural formulations for adulthood, expressing an opinion, and government action instead of inflated or redundant wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows a varied range of accurately controlled sentence forms, with only occasional awkward constructions.
Polish preposition and article choices in complex noun phrases while keeping the existing syntactic variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.