Nowadays online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Online shopping today has become more popular thanachieved more popularity than in-store shoppingphysical store shopping in many parts of the world. I believe this is a negative development because it creates privacy and security risks throughcauses privacy and security concerns through phishing attempts and data breaches.
When consumers shop online, they may fall victim to phishing and scam attemptsthe phishing and scam attempts. That is to say, cybercriminals often send fraudulent emails or have websites that seem legitimate online stores intended to trick novice users into sharing their information, such as computer passwords or bank account numbers. These phishing attempts can result in unauthorised account access or financial lossunauthorized access to accounts or financial losses. For example, a shopper may receive a deceptive email that appears to be from a reputable online retailer, very often including a link or attachment designed to trick him or her into clicking. Clicking the link or attachment can lead to malware infections.
Online shopping is also an increasingly common causesource of data breaches. Cybercriminals can oftencan often manage to gain access to e-commerce systemsget into the system of e-commerce sites to steal customers’ login credentials and credit card details. This means that many websites lack secure data encryptionsecure encryption of data, thus making them vulnerableprone to attack. Consequently, consumers are at high risk when sharing their sensitive information. If a data breach occurs, customers’ datainformation could be exposed, causing financial fraud, identity theft, or other criminaldeceptive activities. A good example here is my own brother’s case. A cybercriminal group openedopens a credit card account in his name and withdrewwithdraws a considerable amount of money from the account.
To conclude, I believe the growth of online shoppingthe increasing trend of online shopping is a negative development as this can make consumers victims oflead consumers to the victims of privacy violationsdata privacy issues. Therefore, consumers should select reputable platforms when shopping online.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear negative position and develops two closely related cybersecurity risks through detailed explanation and relevant examples. Its main limitation is narrowness: phishing and data breaches substantially overlap, so the case does not explore the wider consequences of online shopping, and a few awkward constructions weaken accuracy. The highest-priority improvement is to add a distinct second dimension, such as effects on local retailers, while refining collocations and tense control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops relevant security concerns in detail, although the two main arguments overlap considerably.
Add a genuinely distinct consequence of online shopping so the negative evaluation is broader and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is effective and the explanation moves logically from each risk to its consequences and examples, with generally controlled cohesion.
Reduce repeated references to online shopping and cybersecurity by using concise referencing and more varied transitions.
Lexical Resource
A strong range of cybersecurity vocabulary supports precise discussion, though several awkward collocations reduce naturalness.
Replace combinations such as 'achieved more popularity' and 'lead consumers to the victims' with standard idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a good variety of sentence forms with frequent error-free sequences, but occasional article, verb-form, and tense errors persist.
Check articles and maintain consistent tense in examples, particularly when describing a completed personal incident.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.