Some individuals say children should have to play outdoor games instead of playing computer games at home. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that childrenjuveniles must play outdoor games instead of playing them on electronic gadgets. I agree with the statement that childrenimmature must play outdoor games for holistic development and to avoidas well as getting rid of a sedentary lifestyle.
First and foremost, children must play games outside their homeshome because they will have more physical activityactivities; as a resultresultantly, they will remain healthyhale and hearty. In fact, to make them physically fit, is not the real aim to allow them to play outdoor games but they will be mentally, socially and emotionally strong. For instance, games such as hide and seek, racing, and cyclingracing, riding a cycle make young minds more creative and physically fit. It has been compared with the past life of children that they used to play more outside their homes and more agile and had a balanced personality in compared to the modern generation.
Moreover, playing outside helpshelp them in getting rid of a sedentary lifestyle as modern children spend more time using electronic mediaplay more on electronic media and they are becoming victimsgetting a victim of many health conditionsmany elements such as obesity, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, to name but a fewhypertension and to name but a few. If they are allowed to participate more in activitiesplay more those activities in which their organswhole body organs function well, then they would not have such problems and they can lead a blissful life. They will be more active and alert. Besides, their energy can be channelled into constructive activitieschannelized in constructive work as one can see much evidencemany pieces of evidence that more and more children are prone to stress and illegal activities when they spend most of their timeutilise maximum time on computers. Thus there are a greater risk of developing mental health problemsmore chances of making them mentally sick. So they must play outdoor games instead of playing on computers and laptops.
In conclusion, playing outdoor games are beneficial for the children for their good upbringing as they will stay robust and have more creativity in their work and they can lead a stress-free life, which they can’t avoid while playing on multimedia sources.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement throughout and offers relevant reasons concerning physical health, wider development, and reduced screen-based inactivity. Its main limitation is that several points are expressed through awkward or imprecise language, while some supporting claims remain general or loosely connected. The highest priority is to develop each central reason through a precise explanation and a specific, credible example, using simpler sentence structures to keep the argument clear.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons, although development is sometimes general or repetitive.
Develop each main benefit through a clear cause-and-effect explanation and one specific, credible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical paragraph structure and broadly clear progression, but some links within sentences are strained or repetitive.
Use clearer topic sentences and connect each supporting point directly to the paragraph's central idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a useful range of topic vocabulary, but several choices are unnatural or inaccurate and occasionally obscure the intended meaning.
Prioritize precise, natural collocations such as children, become vulnerable to, and screen-based activities over forced synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring agreement, article, comparison, and sentence-structure errors reduce control.
Edit each sentence for a complete clause structure and consistent subject-verb agreement before adding complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some individuals say children should have to play outdoor games instead of playing computer games at home. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.