More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Today, one of the most common developmentsoccurrences in the digital world is the availability of personal information online, with people providing their details for daily activities such as social networking or banking. Despite some benefitspositivity associated with it, I believe this development is largely negative.
The increased presence of personal information online has produced some benefits. Thanks to this development, it has become easier for people to connect with each other, or in some cases, reconnect. An adult, for example, can find someone they went to high school with by searching for that person’s namesomebody he went to high school with by searching for their name on a popular social media platform. Then, they can catch up with one another and stay in touch after a long period of no contact. Meanwhile, in certain services, it is possible to provide greater conveniencehigher degrees of convenience by making personal information available onlineby having much personal information available online. When users have verified their own accounts using private details, banks and e-commerce sites can quickly facilitate transactions, enhancing customer satisfaction and increasing profits more quicklygenerating profit faster. Indeed, the advantages of having personal information available onlineadvantages to having personal information present digitally should not be disputed.
However, the negative implications associated with this tendency are potentially severe. For one, it puts people at risk of having their information abused. This can lead to a sense of insecurity, as there have been cases in which private details have been leakedindividual cases of private details being leaked to malicious parties, who proceed to use the victim’s identity infor fraudulent schemes. Another privacy-related concern has to do with the uncertain ability to removevague possibility of withdrawing personal details from online platforms. Once private information is submitted, there is little guarantee beyond the platform provider’s assuranceaside from the holder’s word that it can be wiped from the digital world should the user request it. As a consequence, people’s digital presence may end up inseparable from their real lives, providing a way to track their activities and erode their privacy.
Given these points, I believe that the widespread posting of private details onlinemany people putting up their private details online is detrimental. It is therefore necessary to be cognizant of the risks associated with this decision, and even more so to take steps to protect oneself.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, consistently maintained position and develops both the practical benefits and the more serious privacy risks with persuasive explanation. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision or awkwardness in otherwise sophisticated wording, which slightly weakens the polished effect. The highest-priority improvement is to replace strained collocations with simpler, more exact phrasing while retaining the strong analysis and progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear negative judgment supported by well-developed discussion of benefits and substantial risks.
Make the final recommendation more specific by briefly identifying the most effective protective action.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used naturally throughout.
Reduce the few explicit signposting statements so that the reasoning itself carries the transitions.
Lexical Resource
A wide and topic-appropriate vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although a few collocations are strained or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as higher degrees of convenience and vague possibility with more natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and controlled, with only rare non-impeding agreement or phrasing lapses.
Check agreement in long noun phrases, particularly constructions such as many people putting up details is detrimental.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.