Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is often suggested that it would be better to createerect parks and exercise facilities in new urban developments rather than shopping malls. I agree that this would be an ideal solution as it would promote greater health awarenessspur on increased health awareness.
The main reason supporters of shopping mallsdetractors are in favour of shopping malls is the economic benefits they providetheir benefit to the economy. Malls employ hundreds of workers from cashiers to store clerks to managers as well as the various members of janitorial staff charged with maintaining the mall itself. The benefits are clear when you couple these factors with the increased revenue that businesses bring in the form of taxation and propping up the local consumer product market.
Notwithstanding the economic returns malls bring, parks and sports facilities would do more to encourage better health. In most developed nations, buying more products, especially with online services such as Amazon readily available, is no longer a pressing issue. However, health has become the a major public concerndominant concern of the decade as obesity soars and heart disease has reached pandemic levels. Well maintained, beautifully landscaped parks and outdoor exercise facilities would encourage residents to exerciseinstill in residents an obligation to work out. If these facilities are widespreadIf they are numerous, then older people and children, who may not be able to travel far, will also be able to access them.
In conclusion, the job market is less important than the health of ordinary residents. The bigger issue is the feasibility of such an approach given the lack of financial incentive for town authoritiesfinancial incentive for those towns to prioritise the infrastructure supporting their residents’ well-beingfoundations for their residents’ well-being over business interests.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent preference for parks and sports facilities, balancing the economic case for malls against a well-developed public-health argument. Ideas progress smoothly and are expressed with flexible, accurate language, though a few collocations are slightly overstated or imprecise and the final feasibility point is not fully reconciled with the conclusion. Refine those claims and connect the practical caveat more explicitly to the stated position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the opposing economic case and the preferred health case are directly and substantially developed.
Clarify how the final feasibility concern affects the recommendation so the conclusion fully resolves the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced across well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used fluently and unobtrusively.
Link the final practical caveat more explicitly to the preceding comparison to preserve a fully resolved progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with only occasional slightly overstated or awkward combinations.
Choose more measured wording for claims such as pandemic levels and use a more natural phrase than foundations for well-being.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the response is largely free from grammatical error.
Maintain this control while checking small modifier details, such as hyphenating well-maintained before a noun.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.