Some people say that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, the increasing allocation of resources to protectallocation of resources for the protection of wild animals and birds has given rise to the question of whether this allocation is justifiedwhether or not it is justified. While some argue that these efforts are crucial for maintaining biodiversity, others believe that the resources and attention dedicated to this cause are excessive. Personally, I think that societyhumanity has other needs that are equally worthy of funding.
First,The first point to consider is that the disproportionate emphasisfocus on wildlife conservation often overshadows more pressing human concerns. For instance, resources allocated for the protection of a single endangered species could be redirectedcould potentially be redirected to address urgent human needs, such as healthcare, education, or poverty alleviation. In developing countries, where resources are particularly scarce, the choice to prioritise wildlife over critical human issues can be especially problematic. For example, in some African nations, vast sums are invested in protecting certain wildlife species, while basic human necessities remain unmet for a significant portion of the population.
Furthermore, excessive focus on wildlife protection can lead to unintended negative consequences for local communities. Often, conservation efforts involve restricting access to natural resources that communities have traditionally relied onupon, leading to economic hardshiphardships. In parts of Asia, for instance, the establishment of protected areas for tigers has sometimes resulted in the displacement of indigenous communities or restrictions on their access to forest resources, which are vital for their livelihoods. Not only does this create conflict between humans and wildlife, but it also raises ethical questions about the fairness of such conservation strategies.
In conclusion, while the protection of wild animals and birds is unquestionably important, striking a balance is crucial. The current overemphasis on wildlife conservation, often at the expense of addressing human needs and respecting the rights of local communities, suggests that this approach should be reconsideredsuggests a need for rethinking. A sustainable approach should consider environmental and human factors equallyboth environmental and human factors equally.
Overall, the essay would likely receive a Band 8. It effectively addresses the task with a clear position, is well-organised, uses a wide range of vocabulary, and demonstrates a high level of grammatical control.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay develops a clear, nuanced position through well-supported arguments about human priorities and the effects of conservation on local communities, using precise language and controlled complex sentences. The main limitation is the irrelevant final paragraph that evaluates the essay itself and weakens an otherwise effective ending; the highest priority is to remove that commentary so the substantive conclusion remains the response's final statement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained through two relevant, well-developed arguments, despite the extraneous self-assessment added after the conclusion.
Remove the final self-evaluative paragraph and let the balanced substantive conclusion complete the answer directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically within well-focused paragraphs, although the appended commentary disrupts the otherwise cohesive ending and shifts register abruptly.
End with the existing conclusion and omit any postscript about the quality or likely score of the writing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective control of conservation, resource, and community-related language.
Refine the few slightly awkward expressions, such as need for rethinking, while preserving the essay's precise academic tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the rare minor imperfections do not impede communication.
Maintain this level of control while checking final phrasing for maximum concision and naturalness.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.