So many young people are dropping out of school these days, and as a result, the rate of unemployment is increasing. It also affects our society in different ways. Why are so many young people dropping out of school? How can this situation be improved?
Sample Response
Education can change the fate of a nation, and educated citizens are the most valuableimportant resources that a country can have. When a country has a large number of school dropouts, it struggles to develop, and this negatively affects societyit affects society negatively. The state must take the necessary measuresinitiatives to improve the situation by encouraging young students to finish their education while also establishing enough night schools for working-class young people who want to continue their education.
To begin with, many young students find it hard to continue their education because of their financial circumstancesconditions. Such students try to get a job to support their families rather than attend schoolsupport their family than attend school and finish their education. To help them continue their education, the government must adopt a policy to support them and their families financially. Incentives should be given both to needy families and to meritorious poor students. School authorities, along with support from the government, can improve the situation.
Besides, many learners drop out due to their lack of interest in educationschool. They find it boring and unengagingboring and less interesting to study in a school. For them, education should be interactive and engagingeducation has to be interactive and fun so that they enjoy going to school. A friendly school environment, sports and entertainment facilities, delicious and healthy meals, and support from teachers can be crucial factors in involving students in school activitiesfactors to attract students to their school activities. Surveys reveal that when learners show interest in continuing their educationschools, parents try their best to coversupport the costs.
The government should establish more night schoolsbuild many night schools so that young students who have not finished their education get a second chance to continue their education. Those schools are vital to give school dropouts a second chance to improve their qualificationsqualification.
In conclusion, when young students leave schoolschools prematurely, it not only affects their future but also society as a wholethe whole of society. To reverse this unfortunate situation, the government and school authorities are expected to work together. Only then can we expectOnly then we can expect the genuine progress of the nationtrue progress of our nation.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its comprehensive treatment of the task: it explains financial pressure and disengagement, then offers practical, closely related remedies. Its progression is clear and its language is generally flexible, although several claims are repetitive or generalized and a few awkward grammatical constructions remain. The best improvement would be to replace repetition with more precise explanation and evidence while polishing comparative and inversion structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes are directly explained and matched with relevant financial, educational, and second-chance solutions, producing a well-developed response.
Strengthen the argument further by replacing the generalized survey claim with a specific, credible explanation of how the proposed measures would reduce dropout rates.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from the problem to distinct causes and solutions, with effective paragraphing and generally controlled cohesion.
Reduce repetition around second chances and education by combining overlapping points and making each paragraph's final sentence advance the argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad and appropriate vocabulary supports precise discussion, though a few collocations such as financial conditions and continuing their schools sound unnatural.
Refine collocations by using forms such as financial circumstances, remain in education, support their families, and improve their qualifications.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and mostly accurate, with only occasional errors in comparison, number, and inversion.
Polish isolated structures such as rather than attend, continue their education, and only then can we expect to achieve consistently accurate complex grammar.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
So many young people are dropping out of school these days, and as a result, the rate of unemployment is increasing. It also affects our society in different ways. Why are so many young people dropping out of school? How can this situation be improved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.