Write about the following topic The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work until an older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Over the past few decades, people have become used to the idea that they will have to devote a larger proportion of their liveslife to work, and some of them even continue to work after the legal age of retirement. The fact is that as human life expectancy increases, only a few jobs can ensure that people have a comfortable retirement. Therefore, many people are choosing to enter the workforce much earlier than before, and in my opinion, this is a negative development.
I agree that starting to work at a young age is advantageous for young people, but they should only consider this as a way of gaining experience. Having a job while studying with the aim of saving for retirementsaving money to enjoy retirement is both unrealistic and counter-productive. For one, most part-time jobs available to studentsmost part-time jobs students can do, like bartending or tutoring, only offer relatively low wagesquite low salaries, certainly not enough to contribute to their retirement. Also, many high paying jobs, such as lawyers or doctors, require a qualification that can take up to six years to obtainup to 6 years to get, and are therefore unavailable to young peopleand therefore are not possible for young people to do at a young age.
On the other hand, people nowadays are still fit to continue working well into their sixties or even seventies. I believe that working keeps peopleI believe working keeps people not only mentally but also physically healthy, which is extremely important for the elderly. For example, my grandfather admits that he felt so bored and unhealthy after retirement that he had to set up a workshop near his house and has been working there ever since. This example also suggests that people should not consider working at a younger age as a way to save money for retirement.
In conclusion, I understand there are reasons for young people to start their working lives earlier than the generations of their parents or grandparents. However, working beyond retirement ageworking after the retirement age is a way to make the most of a longer life expectancya way to enjoy a longer life expectancy, and therefore there is no obligation to have a job and save money from an earlier age.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear negative position and supports it with well-developed, relevant reasoning about low student earnings, professional qualifications, and the viability of working later in life. Organisation and language control are strong, though a few claims and word choices could be made more precise. The highest priority is to sharpen the link between each supporting point and why starting work earlier is specifically a negative development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops relevant reasons and an effective personal example.
Make the negative consequences of starting work early more explicit, rather than relying partly on the advantages of working later.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Refine the transition into the second body paragraph so its role as an alternative to early employment is immediately explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise across the topic, with only occasional slightly awkward wording or repetition.
Polish a few expressions about retirement and longer life expectancy to make the final claims more idiomatic and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Review punctuation and phrasing in the longest sentences to sustain the same high level of control throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the following topic The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work until an older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.