It is suggested that all the young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and the young people?
Sample Response
Every year when summer comes around, student volunteersvolunteer students in their conspicuous blue shirts are ubiquitous. They can be spotted in the streets, delivering free food to the less fortunate, at waiting tables in front of the school gates providing information to students, or on the beach collecting trash under the sizzling weather. However, it remainsstill remains a topic of debate whether these activities are wholly beneficial for students. This essay will explain whyelucidate the reasons and justify the opinion that the disadvantages outweighare outweighing the advantages.
On the one handOn one side of the argument, there are a number of benefits for students who are involved in community service. In the technologically-advanced world, it is common for people to show little concerna common problem that people show scant concern about others’ affairs. These activities certainly help them gain insight into the lives of the underprivileged, realise how fortunate they are, and therefore inspire in them a higher sense of responsibility towardswith the community. Besides, participating in volunteer programs is a very effective wayis also a very effective way for students to combat stress and hone various crucial life skills such as communication, teamwork, and time managementcommunication, teamwork, or time-management.
Despite the multiple merits of volunteer activities, there are still many concernsa lot of raised eyebrows. Firstly, making unpaid work obligatory forto all students without exceptionwithout any exception will certainly cause resentment among students and their familiesamong themselves or their families. For instance, compulsory unpaid workany unpaid voluntary work could lead to individuals having less motivation to work which might affect their self-esteem in the long run. In addition, students’ studies at school can suffercan be sabotaged as they are always short of time to complete their homework or revise their lessons. This is because students would be more focused on completing the tasks provided at work, due to which they would not be able to find time for or concentrate on their schoolworkfind time or concentrate on their school work. The other, more profound consequence that can ensue from the constant poor academic performance is the bleak career prospects that the future hold for them.
To conclude, the importance of community service should be fully realised; however, it should not be made compulsory for all students.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay states a clear position, develops both advantages and disadvantages for young people, and moves logically through well-organised paragraphs. Its main limitation is incomplete task coverage because the effects on the community are barely examined, so the most important improvement is to add a distinct, developed analysis of community-level benefits or drawbacks before reaching the comparative conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear judgement and develops effects on young people, but it largely omits the required impact on the community.
Develop at least one substantial community-level consequence and explicitly weigh it alongside the effects on young adults.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with generally effective cohesion.
Strengthen the link between the comparative question and each body paragraph by signalling whose benefits or drawbacks are being evaluated.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, although several expressions are strained or inaccurate in context.
Replace showy or awkward phrases with natural academic collocations, especially when describing obligation, community responsibility, and academic consequences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with good overall control, while occasional agreement and verb-form errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex clauses for subject-verb agreement and choose simple present forms for stated opinions and general claims.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is suggested that all the young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and the young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.