In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In a few countriesIn few countries, the numberpopulation of vegetarians is increasing rapidly. Although this trend might cause unemploymentmight be a cause of unemployment among a particular group whose livelihood is dependent on the meat business,meat business; this essay thinks that the advantages like the positive effect on the environment outweigh the disadvantages. The drawback of a large proportion of a country's population becoming vegetarianlarge population of a country turning vegetarian is that some people may lose their businessessome people lose their business. That is to say that there are thousands of farmers whose livelihood depends on the livestock business, they farm animals like cows and pigs, and sell the meat in local meat markets. These markets might close if a large population turns vegetarian, resultingturns vegetarian resulting in these people losing their livelihood. For example, in India, there are thousands of individuals, especially in coastal cities like Mumbai or Chennai, who earn their living through large meat marketshuge meet markets operatingestablished in these cities, these people may become unemployedthese people will get unemployed if the markets close. However, this essay believes that individuals couldwould find an alternative source of income if these markets close. The major advantage of choosingadvantage of people choosing a vegetarian lifestyle is that it is eco-friendly. In other words, livestock requires vast areas of land to live in; they eat a huge quantity of food which would be enough for multiple people to survive; they produce double the carbon dioxide in a day than an average human. For these reasons,Due to these reasons farming livestock takesfarming livestock is takes a heavy toll on the environment. For example, according to research at the University of California, farm animals are the number one cause of global warming, greater than emissions from cars and gasses released from industries. This essay believes that the environmental benefits of a vegetarian lifestyleenvironmental impact of the vegetarian lifestyle outweighs the drawbacks. In conclusion, if a large population of a country turns vegetarian, certain groups might lose their incomesa certain group might lose their income, but this essay believes that the environmental advantagesadvantages of positive environmental impact outweigh the drawbacks.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear judgment and develops both the employment drawback and environmental advantage with relevant explanations. However, the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, and frequent run-on sentences, article errors, and awkward wording weaken control despite a generally clear line of reasoning. The highest priority is to separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and edit sentence boundaries so each claim is expressed accurately and cleanly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and the judgment that environmental benefits outweigh employment losses is clear and adequately developed.
Make the comparison more persuasive by explaining why the environmental benefit has greater scale or lasting importance than the employment cost.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a recognizable introduction-to-conclusion sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and several overloaded sentences weaken organization.
Divide the essay into clear introductory, disadvantage, advantage, and concluding paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and topic-specific, though occasional spelling errors and awkward combinations reduce precision.
Proofread word forms and collocations, especially meet versus meat and phrases describing environmental benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but comma splices, article errors, and faulty constructions recur throughout.
Separate independent clauses correctly and check every complex sentence for articles, verb forms, and agreement.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.