Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
On the one hand, some see violent movies and games as harmful and should be removed from circulation. This is because they make people violent without their realising itmake people unconsciously violent. One way in which learning takes placeOne of the ways learning takes place is by observation; that is, people learn from what they watch. Hence, the content of their observations tends to influence how they behave. Thus, those who consume damaging contentthose that feed their eyes with damaging content will have negative attitudesa negative attitude, as they will always want to imitate what they have seenpractice what they have learnt. To illustrate, it has been discovered that children who watch Jackie Chan, a popular Bollywood movie, tend to bully their colleagues because they want to act like Jackie Chan to show their power. Similarly, these kinds of films and games can cause someone to have a panic attackmake someone have a panic attack. They usually contain frightening images and scenesscary pictures and acts, and this can make someone unnecessarily fearful, especially when a similar event occurs in real lifesomething related to these occurs physically. For example, when I watch snake on a plane, an American movie series, I always panic when it is dark, fearinghoping that I might see a snake somewhere in the house.
On the other hand, other people feel that violent films and computer gameshorror videos and digital games are a means of relaxationare means of relaxing and do not have a negative effect because they are entertaining. Movies and computer games that contain violence usually entertain people because they are never boring to watch. Moreover, they have graphics and sound effects that stimulate the brain, which help people feel relaxed when watching them. In addition, some lessons can be learnt from them, such as self-defence techniquesdefensive mechanisms and how to stay alert to security riskshow to be security conscious. For instance, I learnt from a horror film that leaving a radio switchedswitch on when not at home can prevent burglaryhouse bugling because burglarsthe buglers will think the house owner is around when the radio is working.
In conclusion, violent entertainment media are now popular. Some think they are dangerous to society and should be banned, while others think otherwise. However, in my opinion, computer games and videos with violenthorrible content negatively impact society. This is because they encourage abusive behaviour and crimeencourage abusive attitudes and crimes in the community. Therefore, it is recommended that government should pass legislation that producers of such entertainment should place parental guardian control on them to prevent children from watching.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both views, gives a clear opinion, and supports its points with extended examples in a logical overall structure. However, it repeatedly blurs violent content with horror, and several examples and word choices are imprecise, weakening the argument's relevance and credibility. The priority is to keep every supporting point focused on media violence and express examples with more accurate, natural vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed, but parts of the discussion shift from violence to horror and some examples are not fully convincing.
Use directly relevant evidence about violent media and explain how it supports either a ban or a less restrictive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two viewpoints are clearly separated and progression is easy to follow, though linking is sometimes repetitive and individual paragraphs are overextended.
Divide each main viewpoint into more focused stages and use referencing instead of repeatedly restating 'movies and computer games.'
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss the topic, but frequent awkward or inaccurate combinations such as 'feed their eyes' and 'house bugling' reduce precision.
Choose standard collocations such as 'consume harmful content,' 'burglaries,' and 'parental controls,' and check unfamiliar words carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, and reference reduce control.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject and matching verb structure, particularly after relative clauses and reporting verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.