The table below shows the consumer durables (telephone, refrigerator, etc.) owned in Britain from 1972 to 1983.
Sample Response
The table data represents information about the percentage of British households that had consumer products like TV, refrigerators, washing machines, telephones and so on between 1972 and 1983.
Generally speaking, the most common consumer electronic item in Britain was televisions, whereas the least households owned dishwashers and video players.
As the data suggests, TVs and vacuum cleaners were highly popular in English families with their ownership percentages of 93 and 87 respectively in 1972. A similar ownership pattern for refrigerators and washing machines denotes their popularity during the period as well. Other household appliance ownership by English families increased during the given period and this rising trend was more significant for telephone and central heating machines. Videos were introduced in 1983, and only 18% of British families had them back then. A similar trend could be observed for the dishwashers – though they appeared in 1978, not more than 5% of British families possessed them in 1983
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use table term Original: consumer products like TV, refrigerators, washing machines, telephones and so on Suggested revision: consumer durables such as televisions, refrigerators, washing machines, and telephones Why it matters: This matches the table heading and keeps the examples formal.
- 2. Category accuracy Original: consumer electronic item Suggested revision: consumer durable Why it matters: Not all listed items are electronic, and the table uses 'consumer durables'.
- 3. Fewest households Original: the least households owned Suggested revision: the fewest households owned Why it matters: Use 'fewest' with countable households.
- 4. Use table label Original: video players Suggested revision: video recorders Why it matters: The table label is 'Video', so avoid adding a different product type.
- 5. Use accurate population Original: English families Suggested revision: British households Why it matters: The table is about Britain and households, not only English families.
- 6. Add percent sign Original: with their ownership percentages of 93 and 87 respectively Suggested revision: with ownership rates of 93% and 87%, respectively Why it matters: This is a clearer way to present the figures.
- 7. Natural verb Original: denotes their popularity Suggested revision: shows that they were also popular Why it matters: 'Denotes' sounds unnatural in this sentence.
- 8. Awkward noun stack Original: Other household appliance ownership Suggested revision: Ownership of other household appliances Why it matters: This phrase is easier to read.
- 9. Wrong noun Original: central heating machines Suggested revision: central heating Why it matters: The table category is central heating, not machines.
- 10. Sentence ending Original: not more than 5% of British families possessed them in 1983 Suggested revision: not more than 5% of British households possessed them in 1983. Why it matters: The sentence needs a final full stop and the population should be households.
- 11. Fix overview Original: Generally speaking, the most common consumer electronic item in Britain was televisions, whereas the least households owned dishwashers and video players. Suggested revision: Overall, televisions were the most widely owned durable throughout the period, while dishwashers and videos were the least common items by the early 1980s. Why it matters: This corrects the item category and gives a more accurate overview.
- 12. Add data Original: A similar ownership pattern for refrigerators and washing machines denotes their popularity during the period as well. Suggested revision: Refrigerators and washing machines were also common, rising to 94% and 80% of households respectively by 1983. Why it matters: Adding figures makes the point more specific.
Suggested Rewrites
- consumer products like TV, refrigerators, washing machines, telephones and so on consumer durables such as televisions, refrigerators, washing machines, and telephones
- consumer electronic item consumer durable
- the least households owned the fewest households owned
- video players video recorders
- English families British households
- with their ownership percentages of 93 and 87 respectively with ownership rates of 93% and 87%, respectively
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview of high- and low-ownership items and mentions several important trends. It misses some precise end-point figures and says vacuum cleaners were highly popular without noting the missing 1983 value in the table.
Add exact start-end comparisons for central heating, telephones, refrigerators, and washing machines, and be careful with missing data.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraphing is clear, but the detail paragraph tries to cover all items at once and the final sentence lacks a full stop. The progression would be stronger with grouped comparisons.
Group high-ownership items together, then discuss newer or less common items such as videos and dishwashers.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate, but 'consumer electronic item', 'machines', and 'English families' are not fully accurate for the table.
Use 'consumer durables', 'British households', 'ownership', 'rose', and 'remained widespread'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are some article and sentence-boundary problems, but the message remains clear. Several noun phrases could be more precise.
Check plural nouns and finish every sentence with correct punctuation.