The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
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Sample Response
The pie chart outlines the proportion of dance classes by locationproportions of locations of the dance classes and the bar chart provides an age breakdown of participants in different types of dance classes, namely ballet, tap, and modern dance.namely ballet, tap and modern.
Overall, the largest segment of the chart is dedicated to private studios, which is in sharp contrast to college-based studiosin sharp contrast with the college-based studios, where the smallestleast number of classes are held. As5As for the types of dancetype of dances, both ballet and modern dance classes are quite popular among youngsters.
According to the pie chart, private studios are the most popular location, hosting 48% of dance classes,According to the pie chart, that private studios are the most popular locations for dance classes, followed by school halls at 24%,which is then followed by school halls with 24%, where the classes are often held after the end of the school day. Meanwhile, 18%In addition, 18% of the total classes areis accounted for by the community halls and other similar facilities . Lastly, only 10% of the dance classes are held in college-based studios.
Turning to class types by age group, youngsters under the age of 11,youngsters, youngsters under the age of 11, approximately 600 children, are mostly interested in ballet, which is followed by tap dance classes with roughly 450 pupilsyoungsters. Furthermore, in the modern dance classes, the least popular genre for this age, only 300 children are enrolled.modern dance classes only 300 children are enrolled. On the other hand, young people aged 11 to 16 seem to be the most enthusiastic about the modern dance classes, with just over 500 participants (approximately 520).nearly 510 participants. This16This is followed by the tap dance classes and lastly ballet, with only 300 teens.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively summarizes key data from both charts and provides a clear overview of the main trends. However, minor data omissions and structural slips, along with stray characters and awkward phrasing, slightly hinder overall clarity. To improve, proofread carefully to eliminate typographical errors and refine complex sentence structures for seamless coherence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features and trends across both figures are clearly identified and accurately described, though the exact percentage for private studios is omitted.
Ensure all main figure values, such as the 48% statistic for private studios, are explicitly reported alongside descriptive comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical paragraph structure, but stray numbers and word repetitions create minor disruptions in sentence flow.
Proofread the text carefully to eliminate accidental characters and duplicated words that disrupt readability.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of task-appropriate vocabulary is used flexibly to describe proportions and participant numbers.
Continue incorporating natural collocations while ensuring precise word choices when comparing age group trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence structures is attempted, though minor grammatical errors and ungrammatical clause structures occasionally occur.
Check dependent clauses to ensure they link properly to main clauses rather than standing alone erroneously.