The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart provides information about the proportion of weekly income spent by familiesfamilies' expenditure of weekly income in a particular country in the years 1968 and 2018.
Overall, the largest proportion of expenditure was spent on food in 1968, while leisure represented the highest spending categoryspending money on leisure was the most common habit in 2018.
In 1968, food made up the largest share at exactly 35%food made up the largest share, exactly 35% of total weekly income. Housing accounted for the same proportion asa similar proportion to clothing and footwear, precisely 10% of income. This was closely followed by leisure at around 9%with nearly 8%. Personal goods, household goods, and transport accounted for equal shares of roughly 8%Personal and household goods had the same expenditure as transport, approximately 7%. The lowest percentage of expenditureThe least amount of money was spent on fuel and power, about 6% of the weekly income.
In 2018, leisure led with approximately 22%, which was closely followed by housing at about 19%. Expenditure on food and transport waswere at about 17% and 14% respectively. Money spent on household goods remained at the same proportion asreported a similar proportion as in 1968, roughly 8% of weekly incomeroughly 7% of the weekly income. Clothing and footwear took up 5% of the total share. Lastly, people spent the smallest proportion on personal goods and fuel and power, at approximately 4% each.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report provides a clear, accurate overview and well-structured comparison of family expenditure between 1968 and 2018. The main strength lies in the logical organization and precise reporting of the visual data. To reach the highest band, practice incorporating more direct comparative structures between the two time periods within paragraphs rather than separating the years into distinct blocks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends are clearly highlighted with a strong overall overview and highly accurate reporting of the visual data.
Integrate direct contrast phrases comparing 1968 and 2018 side-by-side within detail paragraphs to highlight significant shifts more dynamically.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into distinct paragraphs with clear progression and natural cohesive linking.
Vary cohesive devices beyond chronological markers to emphasize comparative relationships between categories.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary related to statistics and spending is used with control and flexibility.
Incorporate more varied lexical phrasing for changes over time, such as 'experienced a dramatic drop' or 'witnessed a notable surge'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are varied, highly accurate, and consistently well-controlled throughout the task.
Maintain subject-verb agreement control in complex subject phrases such as 'expenditure on food and transport'.