The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Sample Response
The charts present data on the number of Japanese holidaymakers who travelled overseas over 11 years, from 1985 to 1995, and the percentage of Japanese tourist market for Australia. It is evident from the graphs that more Japanese toured overseas during this period and the number of Australia visiting travellers soared. As the illustration suggests, from 5 million holidaymakers in 1985, the number of Japan's travellers experienced an exponential growth to somewhere in the vicinity of 11 million in 1990 before decreasing slightly in 1991. Furthermore, its rate soared again from almost 12 millions in 1992 to just over 14 millions in 1995. Moreover, from a negligible 2 percent in 1985, the percentage of Japan's tourist market rose gradually approximately 5 percent before falling back to somewhere 4.5 percent in 1990. In addition, its percentage reached a peak more than 6 percent in 1994 and fell back to 6 percent in 1995. It is evident that more Japanese travelled Australia in later years that they did in early years and the growth was steady.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify market share Original: percentage of Japanese tourist market for Australia Suggested revision: Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market Why it matters: The possessive structure must show that the percentage represents Australia's share.
- 2. Describe number directly Original: more Japanese toured overseas Suggested revision: the number of Japanese travelling overseas increased Why it matters: The revision states the measured trend more precisely.
- 3. Use natural visitor phrase Original: Australia visiting travellers Suggested revision: Japanese visitors to Australia Why it matters: The original noun phrase is not natural English.
- 4. Refer to both charts Original: As the illustration suggests Suggested revision: As the charts show Why it matters: The task contains two charts rather than one illustration.
- 5. Use nationality adjective Original: Japan's Suggested revision: Japanese Why it matters: The nationality adjective is required to identify travellers from Japan.
- 6. Avoid unsupported trend Original: an exponential growth Suggested revision: substantial growth Why it matters: The bars rise strongly but do not demonstrate an exponential mathematical pattern.
- 7. Use concise approximation Original: somewhere in the vicinity of Suggested revision: approximately Why it matters: A single formal adverb expresses the approximation more clearly.
- 8. Name measured total Original: its rate soared again Suggested revision: the total rose again Why it matters: The chart measures a number of tourists, not a rate.
- 9. Keep million singular Original: millions Suggested revision: million Why it matters: "Million" remains singular after a specific number.
- 10. Correct final value Original: just over 14 millions Suggested revision: approximately 15.5 million Why it matters: The 1995 bar is around 15.5 million, not just over 14 million.
- 11. Use neutral figure Original: a negligible 2 percent Suggested revision: 2 percent Why it matters: "Negligible" is an unsupported subjective judgement of the proportion.
- 12. Add destination preposition Original: rose gradually approximately 5 percent Suggested revision: rose gradually to approximately 5 percent Why it matters: The endpoint of a rise requires the preposition "to."
Suggested Rewrites
- percentage of Japanese tourist market for Australia Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market
- more Japanese toured overseas the number of Japanese travelling overseas increased
- Australia visiting travellers Japanese visitors to Australia
- As the illustration suggests As the charts show
- Japan's Japanese
- an exponential growth substantial growth
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report’s strongest feature is its clear recognition that both Japanese outbound travel and Australia’s market share rose substantially overall. Its main limitation is visual accuracy, particularly the misdated fall and peak in Australia’s share and the understated 1995 tourist total; the highest-priority improvement is to verify every year against the correct chart before describing the sequence with precise trend language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a relevant overview and identifies the main upward trends, but several values and years are inaccurate, especially for Australia’s share and the 1995 total.
Report the market-share dip in 1989, the peak in 1993, and roughly 15.5 million outbound tourists in 1995.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a generally logical sequence from outbound totals to Australia’s share, although the single paragraph and repetitive linking reduce clarity.
Use an overview paragraph followed by one detail paragraph for each chart, linking only genuinely related data points.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient trend vocabulary, but expressions such as “Australia visiting travellers,” “exponential growth,” and repeated “somewhere” are imprecise.
Use measured phrases such as “Japanese visitors to Australia,” “rose steadily,” and “approximately.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but recurring errors with prepositions, plurals after numbers, articles, and comparative forms reduce control.
Write “12 million,” “travelled to Australia,” and “than they did” while checking each noun and preposition.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.