The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Sample Response
The provided bar graph depicts the number of Japanese travellers who visited foreign countries from 1985 to 1995, whereas the line graph gives information on the market share of Australia on Japan’s tourism sector. As is presented in the bar graph, in 1985, about 5 million people from Japan travelled abroad. Interestingly, this figure was tripled by the end of next decade (15million in 19995). During this period the trend of Japanese tourers travelling abroad increased up to the year 1990. Then, in 1991 this number was slightly reduced and after that, a gradual increase was observed until 1995. As can be seen vividly, in 1985, Australia’s share remained 2 percent of Japanese tourists. Furthermore, a gradual increase was observed until 1988. But in 1989, this percentage reduced slightly and after that again increment in share was observed and this trend lasted till 1993 and that time Australia’s share was beyond 6 percent. Eventually, the percentage became equal to 6 in 1994. In conclusion, Japanese tourist travelled abroad throughout the decade and in same decade Australia’s share of Japanese tourists also increased.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix market-share phrase Original: market share of Australia on Japan’s tourism sector Suggested revision: Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market Why it matters: The replacement uses the standard possessive structure for a country's market share.
- 2. Use concise reference Original: As is presented in the bar graph Suggested revision: As shown in the bar graph Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural way to refer to the visual.
- 3. Use active change form Original: was Suggested revision: had Why it matters: The figure itself increased threefold, so the passive form is inappropriate.
- 4. Correct the timeframe Original: by the end of next decade Suggested revision: by 1995 Why it matters: The chart ends in 1995, ten years after the 1985 starting point, not at the end of the next decade.
- 5. Correct value and year Original: 15million in 19995 Suggested revision: about 15.5 million in 1995 Why it matters: The final bar is approximately 15.5 million and the year is 1995.
- 6. Name the quantity Original: the trend of Japanese tourers travelling abroad increased Suggested revision: the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad increased Why it matters: A number increases, whereas a trend does not itself increase.
- 7. Use concise timeframe Original: up to the year 1990 Suggested revision: until 1990 Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the endpoint clearly.
- 8. Use active trend verb Original: this number was slightly reduced Suggested revision: this figure fell slightly Why it matters: The active intransitive verb accurately describes the small fall in 1991.
- 9. Use direct trend language Original: after that, a gradual increase was observed Suggested revision: after that, the number rose gradually Why it matters: The direct form is clearer and avoids unnecessary passive wording.
- 10. Name the visual Original: As can be seen vividly Suggested revision: The line graph shows Why it matters: The replacement identifies the source directly and avoids vague emphasis.
- 11. Fix share expression Original: Australia’s share remained 2 percent of Japanese tourists Suggested revision: Australia’s share stood at 2 percent of the Japanese tourist market Why it matters: A percentage stands at a value and represents a share of a market, not of tourists themselves.
- 12. Use intransitive verb Original: reduced Suggested revision: fell Why it matters: 'Fell' correctly describes the decrease without implying an external agent.
Suggested Rewrites
- market share of Australia on Japan’s tourism sector Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market
- As is presented in the bar graph As shown in the bar graph
- was had
- by the end of next decade by 1995
- 15million in 19995 about 15.5 million in 1995
- the trend of Japanese tourers travelling abroad increased the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad increased
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response captures the upward long-term movement in both charts and includes several accurate milestones, with the dip in each series correctly noted. Its main weakness is that the overview is imprecise for outbound travel, while the one-paragraph structure, awkward collocations, and recurring grammatical slips reduce polish. Prioritise a precise overview comparing both trends, then organise the two charts into separate, clearly controlled detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers both charts and reports their principal rises, temporary dips, and several accurate values, but the concluding overview does not clearly summarise the strong growth in outbound travel.
State explicitly that outbound travel roughly tripled while Australia's share also rose overall, and correct the mistaken reference to the next decade.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow the charts in a generally logical sequence and linking is clear, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Use a separate overview followed by one detail paragraph for each chart so the progression is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for describing trends, but several collocations are awkward or imprecise, including market share on a sector and increment in share.
Use natural combinations such as Australia's share of the market, increased gradually, and fell slightly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex and simple forms conveys the trends clearly, although article, agreement, tense, and passive-form errors recur throughout.
Edit each sentence for articles and agreement, and use active trend verbs instead of awkward passive forms such as was slightly reduced.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.