The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Sample Response
The supplied graphs compare the number of Japanese tourists who travelled different countries from 1985 to 1995 and it also give data on Australia's portion of the Japanese visitors. According to the first bar graph, the number of Japanese tourists visited abroad had increased in each year except for 1991. Initially, in 1985, around 5 million tourists from Japan travelled abroad and after a decade this number more than trebled. About 2 million Japanese tourists went to Australia in 1985. From 1985 till 1988, the number of Japanese tourists in Australia increased sharply. Beginning from 2 million tourists in 1985, it reached to around 5 million in 1988. In 1989, the number fell slightly but from 90 to 94, the number went up. However, in 1994 the number of people who went to Australia decreased a bit. The two graphs represent the steady increase of total Japanese tourists travelling different countries as well as the number of tourists visiting Australia in Particular.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: visited Suggested revision: travelling Why it matters: A participial phrase is needed to modify the tourists being counted.
- 2. Use simple past Original: had increased in each year Suggested revision: increased each year Why it matters: The simple past suits a completed historical series, and no preposition is needed before each year.
- 3. Use range form Original: till Suggested revision: to Why it matters: From and to form the standard pair for a stated time range.
- 4. Use the correct measure Original: the number of Japanese tourists in Australia Suggested revision: Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market Why it matters: The second chart reports a percentage share, not a number of tourists.
- 5. Correct the time range Original: from 90 to 94 Suggested revision: from 1990 to 1993 Why it matters: Australia's share rose through 1993 and then dipped in 1994.
- 6. Name the percentage Original: the number went up Suggested revision: the percentage rose Why it matters: The line graph measures Australia's percentage share rather than a tourist count.
- 7. Correct the metric Original: the number of people who went to Australia Suggested revision: Australia's share of the market Why it matters: The 1994 point records market share, not the number of visitors.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: decreased a bit Suggested revision: decreased slightly Why it matters: Slightly is a more precise academic adverb for the small fall shown.
- 9. Describe the trend Original: represent the steady increase of total Suggested revision: show the overall rise in the number of Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct noun pattern and avoids claiming an entirely steady increase.
- 10. Add travel preposition Original: tourists travelling different countries as well Suggested revision: tourists travelling abroad as well Why it matters: Travelling requires an appropriate destination phrase; abroad expresses the intended meaning here.
- 11. Report market share Original: the number of tourists visiting Australia Suggested revision: Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market Why it matters: The second chart shows a percentage of the market rather than a visitor total.
- 12. Lowercase the word Original: Particular Suggested revision: particular Why it matters: Particular is not a proper noun and should not be capitalised here.
Suggested Rewrites
- visited travelling
- had increased in each year increased each year
- till to
- the number of Japanese tourists in Australia Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market
- from 90 to 94 from 1990 to 1993
- the number went up the percentage rose
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the main upward trend in Japanese overseas travel and gives a few accurate milestones from the first chart. Its central limitation is a fundamental misreading of the second chart: the values are percentages of Australia's market share, not millions of visitors, and the response is presented as one dense paragraph. Rebuild the report around correct units, separate the two datasets, and make only evidence-based comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The first chart's overall rise and 1991 dip are recognised, but the entire second chart is incorrectly treated as visitor numbers in millions rather than percentages.
Report Australia's share as rising from about 2% in 1985 to around 6% in 1994, including the dips in 1989 and 1994.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly chronological sequence, but one unbroken paragraph and a contradictory reference to the 1990–1994 movement weaken progression.
Use an overview followed by separate paragraphs for total outbound tourists and Australia's percentage share.
Lexical Resource
There is some appropriate trend vocabulary, but repetition and awkward expressions such as 'travelled different countries' and 'reached to' reduce precision.
Use accurate collocations such as 'travelled abroad', 'rose to', 'market share', and 'percentage of tourists'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some longer structures are attempted, but subject-verb agreement, relative clauses, tense choice, and prepositions are frequently inaccurate.
Prioritise forms such as 'the graphs give', 'tourists who travelled abroad', and simple past verbs for dated changes.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.