The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Sample Response
Given are two charts providing a comparison of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995, as well as the certain percentages of Japanese tourist visiting Australia. It can be inferred from the illustration that the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad climbed steadily from 5 millions people in 1985 to approximately 11 millions in 1990. But in 1991, the Japanese travellers decrease steadily to 10.5 millions. Before soaring to a staggering 15 millions in 1995, the number of travellers remained stable between 1992 and 1994 with 13 million travellers. It is also interesting to note that only 2 percent out of 5 million travellers in 1985 went to Australia. The percentages of the Japanese tourists in Australi went up steadily to 5 percent from 9.5 million in 1989. However, in 1990, the percentages slipped to approximately 4.2 percent. By far the highest percentages of Japanese visited Australia in 1994 with 6.2 percent from 13.5 million people, by contrast in last year, the percentages dropped steadily to 6 percent out of 15 million travellers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct introduction Original: Given are two charts providing a comparison of Suggested revision: The two charts compare Why it matters: The direct subject-verb structure is clearer and more natural.
- 2. Fix the comparison phrase Original: as well as the certain percentages of Suggested revision: and the percentage of Why it matters: Certain is unnecessary, and the chart presents one percentage series.
- 3. Use plural tourists Original: tourist Suggested revision: tourists Why it matters: The chart represents multiple Japanese tourists, so the noun must be plural.
- 4. Identify the chart Original: It can be inferred from the illustration that Suggested revision: The first chart shows that Why it matters: This reference clearly identifies which of the two visuals supplies the information.
- 5. Use singular million Original: millions Suggested revision: million Why it matters: Million remains singular after a specific number.
- 6. Use singular million Original: millions Suggested revision: million Why it matters: Million does not take a plural ending after a number.
- 7. Use formal contrast Original: But in 1991 Suggested revision: However, in 1991 Why it matters: However is a more appropriate sentence-level transition in an academic report.
- 8. Add number of Original: the Japanese travellers Suggested revision: the number of Japanese travellers Why it matters: The verb describes a change in the number of travellers, not a change in the people themselves.
- 9. Correct tense and trend Original: decrease steadily Suggested revision: decreased slightly Why it matters: The fall occurs from one year to the next and is small rather than steady.
- 10. Use singular million Original: millions Suggested revision: million Why it matters: Million remains singular after a numerical value.
- 11. Describe market share Original: 2 percent out of 5 million travellers Suggested revision: 2% of Japanese outbound tourists Why it matters: The second chart expresses Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
- 12. Use singular percentage Original: The percentages of the Japanese tourists Suggested revision: The percentage of Japanese tourists Why it matters: The sentence refers to one percentage for each year, so percentage should be singular.
Suggested Rewrites
- Given are two charts providing a comparison of The two charts compare
- as well as the certain percentages of and the percentage of
- tourist tourists
- It can be inferred from the illustration that The first chart shows that
- millions million
- millions million
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is recognition that overseas travel by Japanese residents rose substantially and that Australia’s share generally increased. Its main limitation is data accuracy: several years and values are mismatched, the 1992–94 travel figures are incorrectly called stable, and the market-share peak and final year are shifted. Prioritise aligning every figure with its correct year and adding a concise overview before presenting detailed trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both charts are addressed and their broad upward directions are recognised, but repeated year-value mismatches and inaccurate claims about stability, the peak and the final market share make coverage unreliable.
Recheck the timelines separately, noting the 1991 travel dip, the 1992–93 plateau, the 1993 market-share peak and the 1994 slight fall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves from total travel to Australia’s share in a generally understandable sequence, but it lacks paragraphing and the final long sentence combines contrasting years unclearly.
Use an introduction and overview followed by one paragraph per chart, with each trend presented in chronological order.
Lexical Resource
Some appropriate trend vocabulary is attempted, but recurring errors such as “millions people,” plural “percentages,” “from 9.5 million” and “staggering” weaken precision and formality.
Use “million people,” singular “percentage,” and neutral trend verbs while distinguishing traveller totals from percentage shares.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, tense, plurals, articles and clause boundaries occur throughout, although the main meaning is usually recoverable.
Keep tense consistently past, match singular subjects with singular verbs, and divide the final comma splice into controlled comparison sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
Your response
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