The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
The line graph reveals data on the changes in the number of International students from four different countries living in Australia from 1982 to 2000. What stands out from the graph is that the number of students living in Australia increased for each country and Hong Kong was as the majority of students in 2000.
More specifically, in the first year, there were no foreign students from three countries excepting Malaysia. However, there was a gradual rise in the number of students in both Hong Kong and Malaysia which had a similar number at 10 in 1000s students in 1994. Moreover, there was almost a treble rise for the number of students from Hong Kong within less than 30 in 1000s lived in Australia.
On the other hand, the number of Indonesian remained stable at zero during the first three years and it reached a peak at almost 20 in 1000s students in 1998. Meanwhile, there was slight growth for students from Singapore throughout the years by reaching double rise within 20 in 1000s students in 2000.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use lowercase Original: International Suggested revision: international Why it matters: International is a common adjective here and does not require capitalization.
- 2. Clarify who is studying Original: living Suggested revision: studying Why it matters: The students, not the countries, are the people studying in Australia.
- 3. Name the student groups Original: for each country Suggested revision: among students from each country Why it matters: The revised phrase makes clear that the graph tracks students by country of residence.
- 4. Use the correct phrase Original: excepting Malaysia Suggested revision: except for Malaysia Why it matters: Except for is the natural prepositional phrase in this context.
- 5. Correct the origin phrase Original: in Suggested revision: from Why it matters: From identifies the students' countries of residence.
- 6. Use plural agreement Original: which had a similar number Suggested revision: with both groups having similar numbers Why it matters: The comparison concerns two student groups, so the plural noun is needed.
- 7. Express the unit clearly Original: at 10 in 1000s students Suggested revision: at about 10,000 students Why it matters: The vertical scale is in thousands, so the value should be written as about 10,000.
- 8. Use a topic transition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Turning to Indonesia Why it matters: The paragraph changes series rather than presenting a direct contrast.
- 9. Complete the noun phrase Original: the number of Indonesian Suggested revision: the number of Indonesian students Why it matters: Indonesian is an adjective here and needs the noun students.
- 10. Correct the early pattern Original: remained stable at zero Suggested revision: remained close to zero Why it matters: The Indonesian series rises slightly during the early years rather than staying exactly at zero.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: it reached a peak Suggested revision: this figure reached a peak Why it matters: This figure refers clearly to the number of Indonesian students.
- 12. Correct the peak value Original: at almost 20 in 1000s students Suggested revision: at about 26,000 students Why it matters: Indonesia peaks at roughly 26,000 in 1998, not just under 20,000.
Suggested Rewrites
- International international
- living studying
- for each country among students from each country
- excepting Malaysia except for Malaysia
- in from
- which had a similar number with both groups having similar numbers
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognizable overview and organizes the four countries into understandable comparisons, with some accurate observations such as Malaysia being the only non-zero starting point and Hong Kong and Malaysia being near 10,000 in 1994. However, it misidentifies the leading country in 2000 and substantially understates Indonesia’s peak, while several other trends are vague or inaccurate. The priority is to identify each line correctly and report its key peak, fall, and endpoint with accurate units.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Some relevant starting and 1994 comparisons are given, but the overview names the wrong leading country and major values and trends are inaccurately reported.
Trace each labelled line separately and record its start, peak, significant fall, and 2000 value accurately in thousands.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and two detail paragraphs provide recognizable organization, though comparisons and transitions do not always form a clear progression.
Group Indonesia with the other strongly rising series and organize details consistently from starting point to peak and endpoint.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant graph vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate or awkward choices such as “was as the majority,” “treble rise,” and “number of Indonesian” impede precision.
Use precise phrases such as “the largest group,” “almost tripled,” “Indonesian students,” and “reached approximately 25,000.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in articles, agreement, word forms, prepositions, and clause construction sometimes make the intended comparisons difficult to follow.
Build each data sentence around a clear subject, trend verb, value, and time phrase, then check singular-plural agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.